6.7.22

 Time grows extremely short although I have made progress with the drafts and have something which can be filed although the additional forms are not prepared which is likely a day's work and the budget while roughed out is not ready.  There is an opportunity to pursue one more, but it is not likely; even getting the two that are ready filed is going to push things.

I rode my bike to work, the sun was just coming up and it was cool and not bright except when the sun was free of the trees.  It was a short ride there, after a massive but very short storm it was a harder ride back.  It was not much, 8 miles, maybe 47 IM.

Afterwards I swam an easy 2000 yards, didn't get any IM for that and probably didn't deserve but a few.

7 hours and 20 minutes of sleep although i was rested, drank way too much tea, the reason even after the hot ride back I felt I needed to swim.

i witnessed someone (a friend) totally lose their cool today, it was a little scary, but I cant say more about it here.  I suppose everyone is on edge.

I was beset by terrible self doubts on the ride back, life lost much of whatever is left.  I wish we could talk, but we cannot because I cannot...reset.  I suppose to keep emotion out of it, that is the best i can do.

I do not like the ukraine situation.  It looks very much like the Ukrainian army may be surrounded.  While I understand the sentiments, it is unlikely the help needed will arrive in time and if that happens, the south will likely fall too.  I do not know what I would do in the situtation; i am not a general.

it is the war, the economy, the election, the problems with my project despite its promise, the lack of news and the inevitable news, the risks being taken, the waiting for things, the new deadline that looms and getting ready for it, its everything; its being away from what i love.