Another look at the moon. This is from a walk a couple of days ago. A longer walk than yesterday. I have a lot of exercise to make up for, will I swim today? I have hours to make that decision because the gym is closed. On the news there were "warring" stories about whether it is safe to go to gyms (the best protection is to stay in shape) or not.
There is a big winter storm and it has made it cold here, i am under a throw, a type of couch blanket and i have a heavy sweatshirt on, so I am comfortable.
You were there in my dreams again, my own mind haunting me with you, in a red dress, expecting me to be able to form questions or even think when you showed up unexpectedly like that, especially like that. Especially knowing that you were not alone. You were not alone in the dream either, a lot of my old office was there too, asking me about my filing system which has fallen into disrepair over the last five years; was that the purpose of the dream? To make me look at my file system? Perhaps it is tied to strange email about that part of my business that promised so much yesterday, but which I do not trust. I do not think so, but telling you about a charity for unwanted orphans, my charity is for the hungry now, not just the homeless, made no sense; but perhaps the blank check to someone else did.
It is impossible for me to wake up after such troubling dreams and understand what is going on here, why we are not together. My subconscious screams to me, and I shrug and say, as soon as....
It looks at me the same way that you did, I am looking in a mirror.
This is not the first time this has happened to me, it will happen this way again, i suppose, if I live long enough.
I have a 200 word proof of my physics model, it gets shorter and shorter. Perhaps it will appear here, who knows. It is enough to be able to prove it with so few words for yesterday. For today and tomorrow, can it be enough for what I need? It cannot, because there is only one thing that I need.
The real estate, which I will pick up with tomorrow held up under the recent pressure. It cannot happen soon enough, but it can still happen. But what of the other news, that which ties in so closely with the first sentence of this? I can prove, now in 200 words, what I have already described in a few sentences, after a fashion; but I still cannot answer my own questions.
Does that mean that I now understand it, or that I have lost my mind or perhaps both?
My logic doesn't even make sense to me. And what if I finally can justify you to myself, that I have finally earned what I have always wanted, now that it is destroyed. I wonder how many real conquerors have looked over the ruins of their work and wondered how much better things would have been without them? Weren't you, the lost kingdom, the only thing I wanted and hasn't my work destroyed that?
It is a cold, dark Sunday morning, indeed. The moon over the trees was beautiful.
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