I dreamed of waiting to play golf, playing carelessly with money in a diner, and spilled glue last night; among other things. While I only got around 6 hours of sleep the night before according to my watch, I felt I slept much more last night though i was up a lot and finally got up to reheat coffee shop coffee a little after 5, still dark and cold; but later. In the distance I hear cars accelerate and think with a nostalgic fear of the loneliness of the desert, the nearly empty far away highway, the loud coyotes at night. There are quiet coyotes here who have found places to live between houses.
I had a memory of when I was younger and I kept a very simple bug out kit, mostly just a knife. I was a strange kid, who thought the world would end long before now, although perhaps those days will come back again.
Today I have meetings, my focus needs to be on getting through the long document, maybe even isolating the drawings and getting a start on editing them. If I could do at least the first, then the work of the rest of the week will be simplified, I think. I have to remember that I am at the infancy in this work, but that the broad patents are no longer something to worry about this month, February will be here in a few days, these patents will be filed for better or worse, grants will take my focus, and it will be time to move on to other things. FEMA, for example, needs a follow up demand, the forever quiet.
I wish I could ask you to change your mind, to understand something that I could explain; but there is no such thing, so I wonder how dating is going. No, I wonder if it is truly too late. I almost tried it, dating that is. Certainly had a window of opportunity although the timing wasn't good for me. Still hoping for a miracle I suppose. Not sure what I would have done with it, things were always easy with you. We are right, good for each other, but we are not. You are never out of my mind. What does that mean?
I needed you to do this and I need you now, that is different than having you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBV8CU3Ag40
My indiscretion kept me from the only thing that mattered to me, is anything more important than that?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUvo8jKy6ww
And I wouldn't watch the clip if you haven't seen the movie.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9KGqYXjKM0
The calm app is a strange thing. I almost considered downloading it, but not yet.
I do not know what i plan on doing now. I am thinking I will wait and see where I am called to act. I took some action relative to selling this old house again, things are moving too slowly with my work, there is nothing happening with things like FEMA, the property being sold is under way at least, although signs have been ordered and not put in place. I hope something happens quickly there, but there are signs of war and inflation on the horizon; the only short term things are these unlikely grants; things which should be very likely but have been illusive and which i have to get to in earnest as soon as I can finish the project which has taken so much of my time and overlapped portions of that work.
There is more detail in what i am doing, but i suppose the theme is electromagnetism and in the final edits i hope to tie up what is loosely done already. There is a part of that which is uncertain, tantilizingly close, but not quite there. Since the Poynting is so close in what is drawn has to be retrieved from the same reservoir. This reservoir can be targeted. I have what i would have to call a theory based on observation instead of the hard facts i need.
I am 10 pages away from the end of the long document which is shorter by perhaps 10 pages and I could almost skip the remaining edits or even delete those pages but a short time going through them will not hurt anything. I need to drain and refill the hot tub when it is warmer tomorrow as I've added a little to much bromine but that is a very short process although it won't be hot for hours afterwards. The more important task is to finish the drawings. I have time now to get them professionally edited if I can finish them Tomorrow although a large part of this morning was taken up with just 4.
I'm stoked a little, things are not going better but I had good feedback, at least one of the 4, well 1 of the 4 doe grant Lois was apparently responsive and one for which my work is well suited and I feel pretty confidant that something usable can be filed, maybe this week which will buy me a couple of months of breathing room. Perhaps the future will come together just a little bit if such a thing exists without you.
It's late enough I need to relax and start thinking about dinner.
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