Day 30 4 months and 4 days

All this for an audience of one.   I have to wonder why stress about the patents?

This insanity matches my own. The magnetism thing has taken on something of a life of its own in my mind as it has jello d as a concept. It's very strange how do I use it.

I could be free now to have a life, but that is not for me, because I asked to much. If only I could blame someone else. 

Repulsion, the picture of things is like a curtain opening, it's not a huge jump I don't know why I didn't see it before and I don't understand why no one looked for it or how the could have missed but on average walk on day 29 I saw it clearly or if not clearly then certain in concept. does it explains the transfer to electricity because it is so powerful?

How can you do this to me, take this enormous thing and make it meaningless. You have a level of subtle arrogance. I wish I could leave for the desert tomorrow and begin death without you, find what is missing but while I solved this problem I did not finish 70 pages or even 35, I finished 6.  And I've stacked the cip issue on top of the other work I need to do. Tomorrow I'll have to do better. How strange and how difficult and wonderful and terrible. 

I want to come me back from the dead but I can't because I know what I am and I cannot even sleep for my compulsions and I hate all of you for having a life without me. 

It is evening now.

Time is so very short. I did manage to get through all but the last few pages of the first document, took a break to swim, 2150 with all of the im, surprising since I was not sure I'd be able to swim 1000 when I left.  I struggled through the first thousand, then did the first im and went on autopilot, a huffy and puffy autopilot, needing to stop at the 150 mark in both long ims to take a few breaths.  I still use you to force myself to do this, silly.

The plan for now is to start entering the surprising, but not so surprising corrections, leaving the longer document for later, possibly never, in the editing process, but it is something I can work on without a computer so there is that.

I've started putting in the edits, managed to get a few pages done in 30 minutes, so it seems like only a few hours work, I should probably time it.  The swimming is beginning to catch up with me.  That I have the first 8 pages finished is good, even though only 5 of them were just done, the first few were the most complex.  The margin contains the phrase, "who is the monster."

I'm done for the night, it's going fast making the changes but the lighting was not good and my eyes hurt so I finish tomorrow. I'm half way, there is still numbering and reconciliation and Filing questions to look into. But I should be able to get enough done and tomorrow will likely start early. 

Days pass never to be seen again.