finding peace outside

I had to think the other day
about my lover and what she wanted
and then I had to think what i wanted
which was, of course, was her
but she was trying to find peace
beyond and outside of the relationship
the thing that comes after it all
all the longing, the happiness, the promise
I had to ask if that was what i wanted too
I decided i do not want the peace
the peace that would come
from coming to grips with losing love
to find a place within myself
where I could breath again
free from the pain and sense of loss
where there could be rebirth
and room to love someone else
and there is always room for someone else
but the price is too high for me
if the memories cannot come with me
i would rather go on with the scars
unhealed with time, bleeding emotion
not because every love deserves pain
because every loss does not
perhaps none of them should cling to
slowing us down, algae trailing on our hulls
all the same, I'll take with me my love for you
I know what I want from the memories
it has something to do with comfort
it has more to do with being with you
if that has to be painful, i accept it
in the hope that one day i will find
that place of peace and comfort
where whatever was between you and me
will be there too, the love the happiness
even if the price is despair
since otherwise, i will not know where to look
to find what i think about every day