quiet mornings, timing and death

Yesterday an old and dear friend of mine died.  That is not a good way to describe the death of this elderly woman who chained smoked and lived to be 94 years with never a minute of senility going through two health conscious husbands in the process.  I know there was no senility because I had the opportunity to visit with her a week before she died, gratified by the recollection that she was ready for death.  She didn't welcome it, but she knew it was coming and had grown tired of putting off this third wedding from a suitor who would not be put off.
I was close enough to her sons and the timing was right so that I had the opportunity to provide what solace I could, coffee and donuts in this case, and to sit in the room with the corpse that was not yet room temperature.  It was much like looking at a photograph, much of the vibrancy of  this person's life still there, though her eyes which were sharp like a hawks, rather than tender, were closed.
Those whose mothers die in childbirth or shortly thereafter have it the worst.  There is nothing I can say to them.  Those with abusive mothers are not too far behind, although only those who are criminally abusive fall into this category.  I can only provide perspective to those who had parents for a long time or those like me who at a tender age lost their mother.  This is only important for this post because now, for the first time, these two elderly grown men are truly motherless, and in their case orphans.  Other people I know have lost parents, who I also knew, this week.  This week seems to be particularly heavy with death.  But this one, being so close, and observed with such directness of corpse and proximity to the aggrieved stands out; noting, of course, that death is an illusion just as life is, but being illusory it is still death.
This woman, when my mother died, extended every courtesy to me.  I see now that while the opportunity to provide more was there, it was too much work for someone with such a full life and I was not an orphan or destitute in the way that might have called on her higher instincts.  And yet the home cooked meals and the moments when I could watch her being the matriarch of her family with the always present (what's the word for that, ubiquitous) lighted cigarette is fixed in my mind even though several decades separated the last cigarette from her death.
As I said, she had made an uncomfortable peace with death and perhaps that was what brought this to my mind this morning.
I was out when it was still cool, almost uncomfortably so.  Sitting looking at my gilded prison, teh grounds which I feel compelled to keep up as if this justifies my attempts not to escape.  The peace of it in the morning before anyone was awake, the sun only high enough to light the top of the towering magnolia in the next yard, my own yard being so immense that only those tree tops give evidence to the surrounding neighborhood on quiet mornings.  The early morning light was golden, as it is known to be by photographers of still and moving film and even now it is being replaced with a more harsh daylight they try to capture in certain light bulbs but which does not pass through so much atmosphere which cleanses it of the harsher wavelengths of light, like the sand removes particles from the flow of the water in the pool.  The pool only retains the hint of green and by next week perhaps it will be crystal clear, but the clarity of the green somehow seems a more pure color than the blue it is supposed to have.
The quiet of the morning lingers, but I know soon it will give way and the peace will be shattered by the demands of life.

the business of nlc

What business of yours am I?
I am at the end of things
but what are ends to me?
I have figured out the time part
I have found the missing time necessary to compress the universe back to everything happening at once.
What is missing?
To create a circular universe is not significant.
It merely provides a model for something which is too complicated to exist.
The question remains why does the system of information exist.
If I had not figured out the system, there would remain the goal of figuring out the system and it is certain that there are portions of the system which I have not defined or even completely figured to the exclusion of other solutions.
But that being said, the basic system is laid out before me as clearly as if it were written on a piece of paper.  And yet I am not closer to figuring out the background of the system than a man painting on the walls of a cave.
I have found out that there is no true self determination, and yet the illusion compels me to look for what is missing and my inability to solve it, even though it would appear to involve parameters that I cannot possibly observe around me makes me feel disappointment and even inadequacy.
And yet, if I am living tonight without you, how can I hope to determine these things which defy even the illusion of self determination.
I am nothing but a vessel from which information pours forth, we are nothing but a container, receiving what is forced from the environment around us.  Something else forces what we are.  What business are you of mine that you would give me these incomplete visions.  How can they tear us apart, is it possible that they will bring us together, prove that we cannot be together?
For what purpose do I seek the answer to what lies beyond time, what is the fabric of non-linearity where dimension and linearity as we experience do not exist and why would I think any of this is important, why would the underlying non-linear, determinable, unassailable, unchangeable singularity force me to have this information if it doesn't bring me closer to you.

a paralysis of speaking

I want to write to you, but I find myself paralyzed in the way of speech.
There is so much going on, there should be no shortage of things to say, yet I have no words.
I swam 2100 yards, I vacuumed a pool, I gave away two cars and I'm trying to find a third to replace at last one of them. I've traveled the length of the country.
I've solved much of physics and there is something to be said for applying this to the concepts of god and religion which I am uniquely suited for.
I have experienced new love and old love and have experienced them together.
I have determined what is truly important in life and traded it for something that has no value at all for me,
I have seen white paths in the moonlight that lead to magical futures and I have taken them a time or two.
I have loved and hated and been loved and been hated.
But I have nothing that I can say, no words come to me and I hear nothing in return.

Tommorrowland?

At 10:30 at night on the interstate there appears to be no appreciable difference between the traffic here and what you see on the Disney preview...except maybe no one from the past can fix this place.  

For those of you who didn't express a willingness to talk to me on the ridiculously long drive from the past to this place, I have to believe you just didn't care if I made it or not (perhaps hopped I wouldn't).  I was not alone.  The book I mentioned (The Swerve-Greenblatt)  in the earlier post appeared to be better than I thought it would be.

It was filled with pre-renaissance book hunters (Poggio found "on the nature of things" and rescued it from obscurity), de-frocked popes and the car was almost too crowded, you know what I mean, with Titus Lucretius, Cicero, Democritus, Epicurius and Hypatia.  Even though the book promised it was on the renaissance those pesky Greeks would not stay away from me (technically Hypatia was a beautiful, brilliant barbarian scientist, but falls into the same category as a result) and the car felt crowded, at least with my thoughts, rather than empty and it passed quickly, perhaps too quickly.   It was sufficiently filled with minutia so that when I rewrite this post in a more lucid moment, I'll be able to fill it with little tidbits on the origin of words and quotes that make me feel better about what I'm doing even though it makes little sense to me.

Tomorrow land is in the future, but todayland is when we will determine what Tomorrowland looks like and who will be there when we arrive.

Road Trips

I will be driving for 12 hours tomorrow.  The only really great road trips are on motorcycles or in convertibles.  Since I will be driving in neither, the chances of greatness are statistically insignificant.
Like all possibly ok road trips this one has something very bizarre at the end and like all 12 hour road trips on modern roads it will involve great distances.
I swam 3000 yards today since tomorrow will be a time of great sitting.  However, at the end of the road trip I have been proposed a most interesting swim which I will endeavor to savor over the long hours of almost nothing.
Since I cannot expect to contemplate for 12 hours, I have an audio book on the renaissance to keep me company and something a little earthier if that gets too deep.  And at the end of all of this I will not have a car which is a peculiar thing about this possibly ok road trip, but that is more of the beginning of options than the end of transportation.
There will be quite a bit of latitude, but that doesn't translate into freedom.  There is the freedom of the road which is no freedom at all if you have a destination and a time frame.  But I am luckier than many for while this is a long road with a very strange ending, afterwards, my life opens up more than most people who are not dying immediately.
This has been a week of great death among my peers and near death.  One has died, one's parent died.  Another stands to get open heart surgery.  While the funerals are being planned and perhaps carried out, while the surgeries are being prepped and the problems mulled, I will be driving down the road, the scenery changing, the temperatures falling, the future stretching out before me and the past in the rear view window.

what to do with forever

It is really exhausting pretending to be smarter than everyone else.
No one likes a braggart.  Don't get me wrong, I rarely brag about this, although woe unto anyone who asks me about my theory of quantum mechanics.  Oh, how elegantly and at what length I wax.
When I opened my computer, I saw the title, as if someone else had written that even though it was likely me.
I am now come very close to the time when all things must be considered.  That is I have come to the proverbial fork in the road.  In either direction lies forever.  I have, of course, already chosen the road with all of its consequences.  Perhaps there is a nearer death down one or the other, almost certainly they don't go exactly the same distance.
I am uncomfortable, I feel both an excess of sugar, a lethargy from the absence of very hard exercise (thunder has kept the pool closed and the floor exercises reflect my lack of focus), I feel the forces that make up the future beckoning to me in a way they do not beckon to anyone else.
This morning I sat outside looking at the tall trees moving in the wind.  There was so much detail there, the sky beyond them, the stars and all their complexity hidden by the blue light, but I knew they were there, attempting to show a universe too complicated to fit my theories, but fitting there none the less.  I thought I would write then something like this, "I think that I can see the non-linearity in things around me."
But when I opened my computer, that isn't what I saw.  I saw a question, "what to do with forever."
What part of me asked this question and who was I talking to?  I suppose in truth that I cannot see the non-linearity of things, even though I know, only I know, that it is there.
What I ask you, are you planning on doing forever.  What, I ask myself, am I planning on doing.
A clearer picture never spread out before anyone, but it would surprise you what it looks like.  For there are not two choices, one with joy and one with sadness.  They both contain equal parts of each.  It is a question of who offers what in each, and whether I believe the presents which are laid before each one.  Are the real or are they mirages?
Wait for me future, let me sleep in peace one night, so that when I go forward to face you I will have some rest.  And the future mocks me, knowing that whatever night I face, I have faced it already and will face it forever.

NLC The Missing Harmonic

There is not, even in our massive universe, enough information (quantum time) to cause the type of super-dupe black hole: collapsing time CTstate necessary to equal 2^n where n=all the information in the universe.  And yet we know this type of situation exists.  This would, under our nomenclature, be ct(n).
Where is the missing information?  You might think it comes from us, since we do generate massive amounts of information, but that is relatively small compared to the amount of information in one quantum time in the universe.  You might also think the universe is much bigger than what we see, but that is counter intuitive because the universe is measured by the distance traveled according to the big bang (big twang in this case).  We are, however, dealing with Non-linear time, rather the illusion of change in a singularity where everything happens at once, so the answer for the missing harmonic, is thus suggested.
The missing quantum time comes from the past and the future.  There must be non-linearity in some phase of time to allow this type of combination.  The very absence of sufficient information in any one time is the one last piece of evidence which requires that we live in non-linearity.
In fact, only our own arrogance, a misplaced sense of self worth from the 'crown of creation', rejects the  suggestion that the "missing vibration" has been missing at all.  The combinations of time non-linearly, that is the past and present of a quantum bit of time, is equally, if not more, likely a part of the combination-compression process of 2^n, at a fundamental level, than the combinations of separate quantum time manifested as matter and energy and black holes stuff, etc, together in any one quantum moment.
The missing vibration, then, is time, which for us is the ability to view the cosmic thrumming of the cosmic note and then return to the singularity state.  Stranger still, this should allow us to predict, roughly how long the universe will last, because once we know (can estimate) the total mass of the universe, then once we can determine the fundamental units (quanta of space) that make up the universe (knowing these quanta are quantum time) and if these quanta all need to change at once when there is sufficient information to solve the equation 2^n where n=total quanta (that's a really big number for those of you who are counting) one solution to the age problem is a sufficient amount of quantum times (each one containing all quanta of a universe at any one point) and that is the age of the universe at the steady state, at least in one embodiment.
While you scratch your heads, think about the potential utility of this analysis.  While we cannot do anything that we haven't already done in a non-linear universe, we clearly have the ability to manipulate the forces that we have readily at hand.  We can't really slow down time, that is a pre-non-linear concept.  We can only change which coordinates are changing speed the fastest and the conservation of change forces the perspective of time to "appear" to slow down when it's only changing relative to the other common coordinates, otherwise we could go back and forth in time, which NLC clearly indicates is unlikely (unless some future us has done it already).
But what the analysis above indicates is that if gravity is the force of non-linearity, and if each universal quantum of time is complete as a universe, then the reason that we cannot manipulate gravity like the other forces is because it representing a vibration, the missing vibration, in a direction that we do not, as creatures of linearity, experience.  For a non-linear creature (god or single celled equivalent) non-linearity may just be a type of fuel, a step in some non-linear Krebs cycle.
The teaser, an unlikely eventuality that is still worth statistical consideration,  is that if we can manipulate change in our part of the universe, that we are very close to manipulating the "true speed" of time, that we might be able to change the speed in a limited way at which true non-linearity happens at some level.  This could allow us to either (1) slow time, a type of suspended animation; 2) the much more far fetched idea of reverse time and travel backwards in some sort of quantum bubble (presumably one that was back there anyway) or 3) equally far fetched, but more possible, limit the amount of change in a given part of the universe and thereby change gravity (for better or worse).
Thus endith this blog post.

the strange life of m4

Before I get to the last piece of the harmonic puzzle, the piece that pulls  all the other harmonics together, that explains the amount of harmony, wave period, sufficient to include all quantum times in our universe at once and give 2^n where n=all quantum points in the universe, a veritable secret of math and the universe, I want to pause for a moment, not yet publish this momentous post,  to express my frustration that I cannot as a poet or a person tell you how strong my emotions are, how much I love.  I fear that the love is more important than "The Missing Harmonic" that you are all waiting patiently to read.
I sometimes wonder whether I miss more the lover or the fact of being in love, but I know it is the lover I miss.  For I do not focus on the feelings, instead I see only the person, only the memories, the way we interacted.  The physical presence is not, perhaps, more important than the emotional bond which has been rendered by time and separation and silence.
 I wanted to start this by stating that I was living in moral ambiguity; but that would presume that there was ambiguity, uncertainty.  There is no uncertainty.
I am living in moral denial if not moral inconsistency.
Why can't I do what I want to do?
Responsibility is a very strange thing.  I am too tired to make this list of things that have me where I am, the different types of desires, for that matter the different types of love.
I want the reassurance that you should not give for all the reasons that one must act from the very oneness.  And yet, without the right support, what building can stand on such shifting sands as are life.  I want to leap but find myself in moral quicksand, there is no place for purchase, for we have removed it.
And so I wait, hoping that I will find the bottom so that I can jump before I sink over my head.
Yet the absence breeds the creativity.  The energy of being apart is so strong that it must be otherwise expressed.  As poems of love and words of discovery.
Oh lover, where are you when I need you, where were you when I needed you, where will you be when I need.  I am dying without you.
We might as well go on, to the Missing Harmonic.

the strange life of m3

Another mind numbing day, but every project I picked up I finished after a fashion. That is to say that I did everything that I could do on a given day at this time on what I picked up.
There was no one big project I did not pick up that would otherwise be waiting there tomorrow along with many a project which awaits my attentions but does not loom large.
Quiet, that is the feeling of the night, although the hum of distant traffic and of close bugs makes the night alive.  I wonder what you are waiting for.  What do you expect to happen if you do not seize this precious moment.
I am waiting too, watching the grains of time slip through my fingers like tiny sparks that fly between people in love when they are close enough.
I worked hard on the many things that demand my attention emotionally as well as from a practical place.  There was a lot of emotion today, people who were traveling that needed my support, those who need a place to go to sought my guidance.
I have to fill my mind with things that crowd you out.  There is always the pain waiting for me if I leave it room to come in.  There is the physical pain of your absence, the emotional pain of love, the pain of envy at those who share you and the pain of regret for every opportunity lost.
And things are quiet now.  I wait for news that will help set me free and news that will tie me down.  I wonder which one will come to me first and what course I will set and why you do not consult with me regarding the one or the other.
But the bugs are attracted to my screen and I have to sign out lest I get eaten alive which ineveitably I will.

nlc-even more on harmonics-big bang or twang bang

In the original EHT (Einstein Hologram Theory) a lot of time was spent on "the potential of time" which is to say that there was the potential for everything to happen and you added this magical stuff called time to the mix and stirred it around, or more precisely it stirred itself; a type of chemical reaction between time and everything else, two reagents.

Since it is more likely that time is inherent in everything else, we now talk about time being linear or non linear.  We talk of a set of rules which control once time is set in motion which ensures both pre-destination at the very least and in a "perfect" universe everything having already happened and therefore everything constantly repeating.

Looking for a moment at the alternative, we will go back to the religious view which holds that there is a pre-universe to our pre-universe.  The degree of complexity of this pre-universe is beyond us as is the amount of linearity present, but the pre-universe linearity is not the same as ours, at least not directly.

This pre-universe has gods or god-like processes that give rise to our universe.  It is the Isaac Asimov story where the univac computer system processes all of the information in the universe and itself becomes god, reversing entropy.  If that sounds a lot like this theory, the analogy is an incomplete one because "entropy" doesn't exist in NLC since everything goes from a disordered state (the twang bang universe) back to a perfectly ordered state on its own thank you very much.  Also, because it is all according to a pre-programmed plan, there is no novelty in the univac since it's pre-designed to happen.  It's more like the Foundation series, but that's different too because it recognizes randomness which doesn't exist or is highly unlikely at least without outside intervention-a non-linear time entity twanging the rules of physics.

In the twang-bang universe, you have the possibility of something (1) creating the set of rules and (2) adding non-linear time and (3) twanging the singularity to get everything moving; this "something being, for example, another set of rules, a "natural" process (what the fuck is a natural process in all of this?), a god-like "production company," etc any of which are to us essentially the same thing.

In a circle universe which NLC-Concentration indicates we live in, our universe is likely a part of this 'much larger" process.

Size, like in "men in black", is irrelevant.  The scale of the universe if it does circle back to non-linearity must be pretty massive.  The big twang (har har) is used along with the speed of light to define the "size" of our universe in terms of rate of expansion which defines a limit to the amount of information possible; but if past, present and future are all incorporated, as they must be if there is true non-linearity (sort of must be) then the amount of "information" is staggering, but calculable.  The calculation is sort of rough, but it's basically the same type of calculation you saw in EHT for the intelligence of god per second which turns out to be a fairly easy one.

However, if there aren't enough likes, I don't plan on gratifying you by printing it.

Hi Ho..

nlc-more on harmonics-the very instant of the big bang

Wave lengths only exist in linear space.  There is no length in non-linear space so there can't be wave "length".
  There could be the coordinates of a wave, however.  Since wave lengths can be very long, and in all cases are longer than point energies (photons) and since photons are necessarily larger than space, even if only by a factor of 2 or 4, it stands to reason that the initial, universe forming wave length is of no length whatsoever.
The only way to envision this is to say that it includes at least some, which in non linearity means (at least in theory) all non linear points connected by virtue of their coordinates changing simultaneously in the pre-big bang (big thrumb, if you will) state.
L=n/2(lamda) where lamda is the wavelength.  L=n/2(0)
The length of the wave is twice the length of the string, but both are equal to zero in non-linearity.
The speed of the wave =frequency x wavelength.  Again, speed is zero in a non-linear environment so the wavelength and frequency must be zero.
The frequency of the nth harmonic = n*first harmonic so there is no possibility of length there.
Therefore the wavelenght of the nth harmonic =(1/n) x first wavelength
The sound comes out from the frequency sin(frequency (eg hertz)x pi x t) where t is in seconds and there are no seconds in non-linearity.
When you change any point (or all points) from changing simultaneously and in coordination, and only then, do you have the possibility for linearity and a true wavelength.  In this case, traditional physics dictates that the first step in non linearity is space, religious doctrine would say photonic light.  We can suppose that the two could occur together during the big bang or even that photonic light could be the first state.  Why?
The reason that we can predict either as possible has more to do with clock time states than traditional dimensional understanding (photons can only exist in space traditionally).
CT1=space, one coordinate changing at a time, CT2 is photonic energy with two coordinates changing at once, neither at the speed of CT1.  There is no perspective for CT1 so no time change can be perceived, but we know form observation that space and time at least appear to exist together so that any coordinate change involves the passage of time, but in this case all the Clock time is associated with the change of time so that there is no perceived spatial component, hence space "appears" invisible, non-existent, even though it has the same basic coordinate foundation as everything else.  We would initially assume that when you knock ANY one coordinate out of alignment, that only that coordinate is changed.
That of course is "space-time" thinking.  In Non-linear space, there are no separate coordinates to change, its one singularity.  So to knock any quantum unit out of place you are knocking them all out of place.  This is one place where the non-linear environment differs from the idea of the universe as data on a hard drive.
So, one question we'll just have to come back to is how to you change the singularity to create linearity.  The other question is how can, by looking at any one "time" locked into the singularity, do you realign every frigging quantum point to show them all in perspective in an entire universe!
But first, let's talk about what happens when you change one quantum in the singularity where all quantum are changing at exactly the same way so they are without time and dimension.  The obvious answer is that at a quantum point, all of them are knocked out of alignment at once in exactly the same way, ergo (boom).
Now, let's talk light vs space.
Space is the fundamental frenquency, the lowest frenquency of a periodic waveform.
Space is the lowest frenquency sinusoidal in the sum.
Instead of using f0 we will use f1 because f0 might be thought of as non-linear time or the un-thrumbed universe.
So we'll use space as f1
photonic energy then is f2=2*f1
Wave energy (which is the first state that has its own harmonics) is f3=3*f1.
This suggests if we need to use traditional physics that you would go immediately to f3.  This is one concept that requires at least a limited amount of consideration.  It would provide for a lot of the background radiation we observe, but also requires that the universe be able to support that level of energy.  Also, unless at least some space is created, there is no environment for separation of the energy. It would be a super-dense (singular-point) wave which would be photonic light.  It could then break down to create space between portions of the wave to separate it.
The same analysis can be made for f2 (photonic light) with similar results except the existence of space allows the photons to align to form waves instead of waves breaking down to photons.  It is easier, to imagine this state because there is no possibility of waves in the single quantum state, but there could be a single photon so that state seems likely.
Why not space?  Space has most of the elements you'd need, so why not the scientific state instead of the religious one (or correctly put, why is a quantum of light as likely as a quantum of space).  The answer is subtle and misleading.  A single quantum of space containing all information changing at once in the same place without separation would have all the gravity in the universe and would have the exact same characteristics as the singularity.  Whooooooaaaahhhhh, lol.
So you can at least argue that when you strum the singularity, you're separating all this space in terms of location and that can be done as a single photon point location which has energy which forces the photons apart whereas if it were space, there would be no such coordinate separation necessary.  I.E. you can argue the old testament version has a role in physics.
Unfortunately, it is equally plausible to argue that space when all the particles are separated merely forms the photonic (and then wave forms) energy; but the argument that the "strumming" of the universe is actually the conversion of point space to point photons which explode in either direction (as space and waves) is not easy to ignore, just as beginning in a wave state without any space between the waves is plausible.
A period at the moment of spatial singularity to point space (or photon or wave) is created which in this case can be thought of in terms of time so that there is the minimum repeating unit of a signal: (where T is the period)
x(t)=x(t+T) for all t E R which will hold true for all features of the universe and which we will have to save for the next post.
I know you see where all this is going, how can you stand the suspense.  Seriously?

NLC-the aberation and string theory

It is inevitable that the other theories should approach Non-linear time, but it is important to note that time independent oscillation be distinguished from harmonic oscillation to the extent that any differentiation is possible and being possible worth discussing.
You have two different approaches.  In one, there is only the illusion of linearity.  The forces are all a part of this illusion.  In the other, linearity actually occurs but in a predetermined manner.  Both ideas meet at some point.
For the purpose of those of us living within the illusion or reality of linearity, the movement from non-linearity to linearity generates gravity and linear time.
In generating time, it also generates space since time requires movement and movement requires space.  At each stage in this process after the initial harmonics, everything would be governed by the information theory provided previously.
The problem with attempting to ignore time completely at the initiation is that the transition from non-linearity to space and the variety of intermediary stages before arriving back at non-linearity all involve time.  Non-linear time models (NLC) rely on coordinate changes and assumes that time is fixed for each set of coordinates (and be mindful that this set of coordinates is for every "information point" in the entire universe at that given point in time and incorporates the past and future coordinates for each point).
The idea of an initiating "note", a vibrational aspect, merely recognizes the possibility indicated by the type of linearity expressed (one or two or three dimensional) that there is a positive dimensional characteristic coupled with a negative force characteristic.
In the case of the harmonic change (the first note creating linearity) the force is gravity since all other forces require a pull in a direction and gravity only requires a return to non-linearity.
To compare string theory, there are vibrating strings, but these strings represent all matter.  In the case of NLC, you have positive and negative coordinates but the only point of "vibration" is the transition from linearity to non-linearity and back.
Space then is the fundamental frenquency, the lowest frenquency of a periodic waveform.
Space is the lowest frenquency sinusoidal in the sum.

The nonlinear-linear to linear transformation of information results in gravity as opposed to sound or movement for this "note".

This is one of the fundamental features of NLC theory.  The idea of vibration being a feature of this transition is merely a nod to the circular  nature where it appears that the singularity breaks into the lowest "frenquency" and is 100% space and then gradually stops "vibrating" when it returns to the singularity through 100% of the data points changing in harmony at a clock time (n) where n=total number of coordinates in the universe.

In this we we can, if we want, combine harmonics for count (clock times 1, 2, 3, ...n) with information theory for compression (2^n).

Instead of using f0 we will use f1 because f0 might be thought of as non-linear time or the un-thrummed universe.
So we'll use space as f1
For photonic energy then is f1=2*f1
Wave energy (which has its own harmonics) is f2=3*f1
etc

Space then is the fundamental frenquency, the lowest frenquency of a periodic waveform.
Space is the lowest frenquency sinusoidal in the sum.
Confused yet?  

A book of poetry

The book of poetry
conjures up pictures of the sea
the smells of the mountains
the tastes of a kiss
by a lizard
but a very sexy lizard

It tells of adventures
starting in dark forests
climbing iced mountains
swimming up to warm beaches
inhabited by cannibals
but very sexy cannibals

There are conflicts
The are compromises
There are battles
Drunken fools
in dark ancient bars
but very sexy fools

Poetry comes from the soul
The best way to explore it
is to cut open the heart
and collect the blood
dipping a pen while fresh
before it coagulates

Let the poets write
with blood shot eyes
and anemic pallor
give them broken spirits
careworn hearts
and blood stained fingers

don't reach out to them
instead give them
sleepless nights
use your talons
to tear open their souls
so the words can pleasure you

NLC-an aberration in time-god and sunday morning

An aberration in time:  Is the universe a movie or a true universe?
It is Sunday Morning and I wax religious on Sundays.  Love wells up inside of me, not altogether religious, I might add.  I'd like to be able to point to a specific religion and say, "aha, that's the one" relative to Non-linearity.  That is not the case.  Thankfully, my research hasn't picked one of the stranger one involving human sacrifice. Don't say that I sacrifice my happiness to a false god, even if it's true, for the same might be said about you...

The idea of everything happening at once is best explained as a movie and not a true universe.  However even accepting predictability, the resulting continuity of events and lack of true randomness and self determination, and a set of exponentially greater time coordinate changes at once leading back to the singularity, we still have the possibility of a non-ID (intelligent design) universe.  Intelligent design doesn't necessarily mean god, but the lack of a god or god like force resulting from the processes of a singularity is as hard to explain as the singularity itself.
This comes back to the idea that the universe is far too complicated to exist, too predictable to be random, too small as a singularity to yield true dimension, too full of intelligence not to have some hint of inherent intelligence as a singularity, albeit a hard to define intelligence since our type of intelligence has to have linearity to exist and by definition that is absent in the singularity.
The alternative is a little disturbing, but has a type of initiating randomness.  I don't like it because it leads to the idea of true linearity (which seems counter-intuitive) and also multiple universes even though each of them would have the same predictability, maybe.  That maybe opens the door for all the crazy universes that science predicts otherwise and we lose the elegance of the NLC universe, even though we gain "a grain" or, more correctly, "a quantum" of randomness. In this scenario, the "everything" that happens at once without time is less of a set of events, a set of movie scenes and more of a probability set that once set in motion can happen in a number of different ways.  That, unfortunately, sounds like random events and you cannot have everything happen at once and still have random outcomes...or can you?
In order to understand this, you have to look beyond our universe of predictability where the effect of predictability, math, physics and order is to define predestination.  Instead, the primordial singularity is more of a set of rules which govern the existence of non-linearity.  God, or some other force, has the ability to act on this singularity, to "bump it" thereby creating an aberration in time, a type of non-linear vibration.  Our universe results as the gradual return of the universe to a steady state after the "twanging" of this non-linear string.  Oh and there is the mention of a string.  This is not a physics string, just a metaphorical one.
The vibration set in motion changes the way that "time" is expressed, but doesn't change the rules that hold it together.  The expression remains predictable, in the non-linear environment it continues to exist without non-linearity (the universe changes and doesn't change at the same time, perhaps) but as the non-linear vibration slowly changes, things go back to normal.
The "twang", as it were, is perceived by us as the big bang.  A finite amount of time is set in motion to an inevitable "end" although what "end" means in such a case is subject to debate.  The most likely "end" is the grand stage of the universe where all the coordinates begin to change at once in a unified order (we exist in a state where only 4 coordinates are changing at once in order, black holes 5, and this state would be one where ever single coordinate is changing together at once-see the last post), but because non-linearity includes a type of "infinite" time, this process may not actually have an end point.
The key point to all of this is not determining the beginning and end, instead the key point is that "initiating randomness-or apparent initiating randomness" sets the predictable universe in linear motion.
What "should" the "twang universe" look like.
Again there are several versions.
The one that pure circularity takes us to is one where there is a complete or near complete disorder in coordinate changes-each quantum time is changing one coordinate at a time, pure space.  Gradually as the "vibration" subsides a bit, as the string which is "twanged" (twanging being the act of creation on Sunday mornings) some of the time coordinates begin to change together creating a certain amount of photonic energy which in turn leads to the changing of two coordinates at a time (even less "vibration") and we get the perceived "background radiation" of the big bang.  Note that this doesn't require a great deal of dimension since perceived "separation" is not actual separation but is instead merely how changing coordinates appear to separate as they in fact come together.  While you say "guffaw" to this, and rightly so as a creature of linearity, it appears possible since as we go from non-linearity to space to black holes (skipping a few steps) and (skipping even more sets) the super-dup black hole time states where "all time coordinates" are changing together we necessarily are going from non-linearity back to non-linearity even though we pass through all the states of matter in the universe on the way.
Now I am not going to go too far into this in this blog.  To accept any of this as "fact" you'd have to give me a nobel prize and label me a genius and no one is about to do that...unless they already have, lol. But there are a couple of matters yet for Sunday morning before I move on, not that I will ever move on if you know what I mean, for I am true to some things, as inevitable as the predictability of the universe is.  I can never move on, trapped in an orbit that holds me as tightly as any black hole holds anything else. :)
This last bit has to do with the "building" of the universal organization as the twang begins to reach its end.  According to this rule (suggested rule) the universe as it ages must have time states that build from the initial total randomness of total space to a state of non-randomness where everything happens at once as it goes from the twang state (big bang if you must) to the non-linear state of the "super-dupe black hole" or non-linearity from which the universe sprang.  What is so weird is that if you accept the multi-dimensionalist view of things, you have a "god rock band" twanging away or non-linear instruments generating universes in gawsh awful protrusion, each one infinitely predictable (going from twang back to non-linearity) but in the interim each distinct "note" yielding its own universe.
Enough! for now... (I sound like a 1940's science fiction movie).

the strange life of m2

I find myself making love to a phantom of my own creation.  What does that make me, what is it that I'm doing?
I can be anything that I want to be, I have found the key to the universe.  And yet, I find myself locked into places which are prisons of my own making, the guard is me in a mirror.
And you are always too quiet.  Your silence screams out volumes.  You think it is the right thing for all the wrong reasons.  I wish there was some way that I could shout over the sound of your silence, but it is too thick, too loud, it drowns out my words, carries them away like a stormy wind.
You think you understand what you say to me with your silence, but ignore the constant barrage of words you get in return.
Today was too busy for a weekend.  Most weekdays are not as busy, do not start as early, end earlier and have longer pauses in them.  The pauses were only seconds today, but each one stretched out forever, waiting for any sign that you are there, that you recognize me, that you know I am here, that you care.
If you cared what would your silence mean to you, what would you suppose I take from it.
If I cared, what would your silence mean to me, what would I suppose you meant by it.
The rain fell today, incessant, outweighed only by the silence, which hid the pitter patter of water that must have been everywhere.
The world is a wet, moldy place, filled with crawling things that survived primordial disasters, that have no beauty to share with me because they come from a life too far before mine for me to appreciate them.  They wait, black or brown, long antennaes as they have  waited for eons, patience because they know one day they will feast on my corpse.  The can stand to be crushed in the interim, their pus like insides mock me after their bodies are gone, their brothers and sister are too numerous.
The make no noise.  They too are silent.

NLC-The very large

When I'm not thinking of you, I think about Quantum Theory, so here is the new introduction to an old chapter.  Now that I have finished and set aside My Road for a moment, I am about to pick up NLC (A world in Amber) for a moment.  This is only the first part of a longer chapter (the preceding chapter is "the very small" and this one is evolving even as the theory evolves.)

I am at 103 of 243 in editing which sounds good, but some of the most recent developments require me to go back 40 or 50 pages like this one.

 

THE VERY LARGE

Quantum Theory suggests if there is a minimum quanta for time (and therefore a Planck length) that there should be a maximum size, which in this case would be a maximum number of coordinates changing at once since “true” dimension is an illusion.  This means there is a limit to the amount of information in the universe and that outside of this total information there is no further universe. 

While an intriguing model which deserves some discussion, in a timeless, dimensionless singularity, it is difficult to impart the limitations of our time sensitive world.

Time, while appearing absolutely necessary to us, is just one more complication to a universe which is already too complicated to exist.  One has to abandon all of ones learned perspectives, all relativity of human observation, to even begin to grasp what we are dealing with in NLC theory.  Fortunately, quantum phenomena are intuitive in a point universe (everything comes from a single point, everything is tied to this quantum (1) beginning (although it isn’t a beginning as such, only an existence of everything at once).

This minimum quantum (1) does not require a maximum but if there is a limit to the amount of information in the universe, then there should be a maximum clock time, a maximum number of coordinates that can change at once, and that in turn suggests a limit to the distances (even if they are just illusions) that can be experienced as well as an end to the universe.

Unlike other theories, the end of the NLC universe is not some tragic even, because the quiet moment you read this chapter, continues to exist not with standing the last clock time transition which would, if we were large enough to see it, be nothing more than a super duper black hole within which all the other black holes, and clock time states exist.  Amusingly, this suggests the singularity itself meaning that once you get large enough you are back to the singularlity.  While mind numbing, it is actually very obvious.  The maximum number of coordinate that can change at once is necessarily the total amount of information in the singularity!

There may be some practical limitation on this bizarre concept, but it is so intuitive and obvious, it is such an elegant explanation, that it has to be accepted as a theoretical possibility in a universe with a finite amount of information.

The strange life of M

Started today as an extension of yesterday evening.
Beautiful weather yielded late in the day to thunderstorms.  Good thing I swam yesterday.
Work as a writer yielded to work as an attorney, yielded to work as a developer, yielded to work as a mechanic which yielded a lack of worthwhile activity.
A certain complacency yielded to longing for something that I don't have.
The Navy remains silent. but my optimism about things with or without them seems intact.
Occasionally, my optimism yields to pessimism about other things.
My optimism about the immediate future yields to my concern with the future beyond the immediate which yields to my outright unhappiness about the moments that go by right now as the rain falls, reminding me that happiness can be found, if you only look for it.
The noise of the day has yielded to the quiet of the evening, the crowds and conversations to my two companions, loneliness and longing.
Yielding has its place, but must ultimately yield to action.

My road-conclusions

On January 6, I began this series of blogs.  45 days ago I decided to assemble them into a book which I edited in 15 days.
Tonight I swam 2500 yards.
All these numbers mean very little to me really, but the in a little over 4 months a 65,000 word book was written and edited which I consider to be something pleasant which I can share with you although the ending is not yet published.
I am thinking about publishing the ending yet, but not yet.
Instead, I will tell you that it is named the fourth glass (the chapter of the ending) and that this is the rewrite of the second to last chapter which is the last one I posted.
The one before this is the better of the two, but this post is about conclusions.
There is so much that I want to add to what is set out here; but the woods are dark and deep and I have obligations to keep and miles to go before I sleep.

You will ask me,” the stranger says as he holds the third of the last four glasses up to the light, “why I could not move on, especially with someone so ephemeral who danced so lightly from one relationship to the next.”

Perhaps there is no answer.  She once asked me when we were separated for a time and when we were only talking fleetingly on the phone, she asked, ‘what would you do when you are too tired to walk if we were together.’  I thought on this for a while and responded that I would read for a while, perhaps go for a walk if it were not too hot and dear, and then I would make love to her and go to sleep at which time she could go about her business if she was so inclined. 

In this what I meant was that I would make love to her as normal people do, over a short period of time, for during our long sessions, there was not much room for anything more to us but to sleep otherwise, although often she would get up, her various affairs too numerous to list.

There was a time in my life when I was ready to bear arms against the corrupted.  The natural tendency of power is to corrupt, the natural tendency of the weak minded to submit.  It is up to those like Thomas Pain who are willing to live in a state of virtue at such times to light the night, if not ignite the fuse of revolution.

And so when the time came to make my decision as to what I was to do next, I decided that it made a lot of sense for me pursue a nobler cause.  I had, at this point in time written two books which could be important.  One was largely the antithesis of the other and both bear a short comment. 

One dealt with issue of flanking maneuvers and the blindness that comes from vision focused ahead.  While I have had things made in China and have dealt with others who continued to do so successfully and while I admire much about Chinese culture and industry, I recognize that the USA has built fortunes in the middle east through the purchase of energy and in china has raised equally mighty towers in the interest of cheap trade goods, neither of which returned in kind anything to the USA. 

I felt that what the middle east did by accident, the Chinese did by design, draining the USA of money as well as the ability to manufacture self-sufficiently; until the USA was a manufacturing vassal of the Chinese and therefore largely at their mercy militarily as well as economically.  While many would say that the USA was able to generate additional fortunes, I thought those were mere paper fortunes.  They were, to me, so many empty successes, those with large book value but no intrinsic value.  They were things like social networks, which did generate fortunes and provided dynamic entertainment but were missing something crucial. The real continuity of the economy rested on offsetting the huge expenses of outsourcing with additional debt.  Having experience, first-hand, the dangers of over extending my credit, I saw no good end in sight.  Therefore, it was largely up to me to fight what was a corrupted government, a corrupted economy and a corrupted people.

No country is more regulated than ours, what we do, carry, and who we marry, what we ingest, make, buy, grow, even our words are controlled by laws and monitored, the names being changed to protect the writer, there is no innocent to protect in a country where there are too many laws not to break them.  And yet, there is still a bit of the virtue left in the system, there is still opportunity to live a virtuous life, to rail against tyranny and to martyr oneself against the weakness and sloth of the masses.

And then there was my other great work, the antithesis.  It was my book on physics and the futility of action in a pre-ordained universe.  Of course, on the other side of that coin lay the fact that each moment exists forever, and as such the need to act virtuously is all the more important, the need to make life worthwhile in each moment all the more important.

He sips the glass, as if hesitant to drink the rest, to speed to quickly to the end.

How did I fare running from virtue, living life for the future instead of for the moment and as if I could live forever instead of the last day of my life?

First, I couldn't love anyone else.  Everything else, besides her was a farce.  I could do it physically, but could get no enjoyment.

Finally, I went back to her but she wouldn't have me.  It doesn't matter why she rejected me as she had rejected me so finally, if unconsciously before.  It would have made no difference if she was terminally ill, if she died, if she fell in love with someone else, if she decided she hated me, if she saw who I really was through the shield I had built to protect myself and realized she could do better.  If I had become such a miser, so selfish, that she could see no benefit to associating with me, could find no pleasure in my company.

You say, it would have been better she died than leave me for another?  Who would that have helped?  I could not suffer any more than I suffered away from her.  The damage from not having sex had already done its damage to me, the stress of being cut out of her life had already mangled my insides.

What had I done but thrown away the only thing that really mattered to me?  More important than the causes, the good deeds, the insights into physics, more important than anything, the reason I was here, if there was any reason.  

Why are you here, the pamphlet asked?  I was here to be with her, in whatever way I could for however a short time I could be there.  That I knew, but I failed to realize it, I acted as if I thought I was there only to accumulate worthless bank notes.

The stranger got up then, leaving everyone staring after him; stumbling towards the back of the bar and the restrooms there.  

After a long while it began to brighten outside.  The bartender came over and looked at everyone sitting there, the litter of empty bottles.

As the stranger had walked off, in the light of the dawn, I could see the shoes that had appeared newer when they glistened with rain water, were losing their soles, the ends of the pants were tattered.  As he weaved towards the back, I could see that the stranger was bent and walked with a limp.

Somehow the regular had known the stranger was leaving.

Some time after he had left, the regular went to confirm what he suspected. He came back, "He's gone, the stranger went out the back.  I think he must have disabled the alarm.”

The bartender looked at the litter of bottles and in a nonchalant voice asked, "Who's going to pay for all of this?"

Much later, in the light of the early morning, only two were left.  The bartender preparing to close and the regular having a cup of coffee after the two had shared breakfast.

A policeman came in with a rich looking trench coat.  On one sleeve, what had looked like a wet spot the night before now looked reddish brown.  "Do you know the man who was wearing this,” He asked?

The regular related a condensed version of the story,  A man came in wearing it and drank all night.  It was too dark to be able to tell clearly what he looked like, but he was old and careworn.  The bar tender asked where the coat was found.

It was in the melting snow.  Another man was beaten and this was stolen from him the night before.  A strange thing, it was the only thing that was stolen, no money, just the coat.  The man who was robbed was taken to the hospital, it appears he will recover.  If the stranger comes back, you will call us? 

Of course, we had both said, but we both knew he would not return.

“Why didn’t you tell the policeman more, something that might have helped him to catch the stranger?” the bartender asked after the policeman had left.

“I’m not sure I wanted him to be caught.  I hope that perhaps having told his story, he will find a way to find his way back, to find the girl again.”

“So, where do you think the stranger went?” the bartender asked.

“I don't know I hope he went back to her.  I don't know if there is a way he could do it, but it is what I hope.”

My road physics (rewrite)

This is another re-write of a paragraph that may not be as important as the others, but perhaps what it lacks in importance, it makes up as interesting to me and no one is forcing anyone else to read this, although perhaps, based on the theory included below, that is not the case.
I want to visit Weymorth England in 1961.

Sickness?  It is nothing.  We are all bags of water, so they say. If you stick us the water leaks out, if we are ill, the waters are ill.  It is only between the filling of the bag and the emptying that that we live.  How we live defines us, but only as bags of water.

          And so I called her and told her I would be nearby, in Mississippi.  “Would you like to talk.”

          “You mean would I be interested in sleeping with you?  The answer is no.”

          “I didn’t say that.”

          “You don’t need to.”

          “Ok.  It’s fair to assume that I want to have sex with you all of the time.  I’ve wanted to have sex with you all the time since I first met you but we didn’t.  Wanting to have sex with you and thinking it’s a good idea are two different things.  You realize when we talk and when we’re not arguing that what we’re doing is as intimate as sex.”

          “So we shouldn’t talk.”

          “I went too far.”

          “No, what you said is the truth.  Our conversations are far too intimate.  We’ve known each other too long.”

          “How can you know someone too long?  I just want to talk.  I may be interested in sleeping with you, but I have no agenda.  We can meet by the lake.  We can go have diner afterwards.”  I think two people who liked each other as much as we did, who had shared as much as we did, should not let that go.  They should work things out.  We had a problem, however. 

          What was the problem? 

          We were incredibly compatible in bed.  We both knew exactly how we wanted to be touched and we touched each other that way.  We knew how we wanted to be kissed, and that was how we kissed each other.  We knew the different ways that we could couple together and we instinctively seemed to find those ways, and it seemed like we always found something different to add.

          For my part, and my part was different than hers for many reasons, I no longer wanted to have sex with anyone else after having her.  That is not to say that when I was with a stranger wearing very little clothing who was making come hither comments and attempting to surreptitiously look me over that I wasn’t interested in some mindless physical activity, but it did mean that I didn’t care about it.  And I can’t explain this, but I had no interest in the sure things, the ex-lovers who asked me to make out with them.  The ex-lovers who gave me peculiar looks when I said no and the dissatisfaction with the explanation, ‘its complicated.’   

          “I can’t make it anyway Friday, I have a date.”

          “That’s ok, I just thought I would ask.”

          “I’ll tell you what, though.  What time is your meeting over?”
          “I should be done by four,” should I tell her that I scheduled it late so I would be there when she was finished, in the unlikely event she had time and would agree?

          “I’m free till 6:30.  I have a meeting out there.  I was coming back to the office, but I can work at the lakefront office.  If I wear what I’m wearing on the date, then we can meet at 5 for a few minutes. It will give me an excuse to avoid the traffic.”

          When I lay dying I will think about what I have done and I will think about god.  For the rest of the week, I would spend most of my time thinking about her.

I was not going to tell her I was there for an interview.  I would have felt stupid and it would have come off as self-serving even though it was only meant to be informative.  Perhaps when we talked, I thought, but knew I would not.  The interview was a waste of time.  I was as qualified, but I was old, blind and rotting inside.

          I was not at all worried.  I was vastly more mature and knew more about the business than the younger persons who would be interviewing me and I had no need of taking the job.  It isn’t that I didn’t need the money, but only that for me in the same amount of time, it was easy to envision making more money doing any number of things.  Why would I want to take those skills and use them to make someone else rich? 

          Also, the purpose of the job had little to do with the large paycheck and benefits.  It had to do with finding a reason that everyone could understand to move.  Failing to understand it, it provided an excuse that everyone could hide behind, me no less than anyone else. 

          At this point in time, it had nothing to do with moving in with the girl.  She had moved on.

          I had not; but I had now lived most of my life without moving on from her and was well used to the idea of mindless, emotionless sex with strangers that would not last because I was in love with someone else and I was far past the idea of starting another family.  Been there, made that choice by accident, with all of its benefits and mistakes, already.  If I had to chew my leg off to get out of that trap, I hoped I’d have the good sense not to trap one of the other ones in the next baited trap.

          And, of course, it was unlikely I would get the job despite my qualifications, because I would be honest in my outside interests.  However compatible they would be with the job, they were a distraction of time and a conflict.

          As a physicist, you might think that I would have no faith.  You may think that I would look only to mathematics for my religion.  That I would assume that since god was more complicated than space, that god could not ‘evolve’ before space.  That, of course, would not occur to you if you studied quantum mechanics or if you think about it logically. 

          The universe is far too evolved to serve as a platform for evolution.  The old fashioned idea was of a big bang, nonsense as an origin event, though it likely occurred in some fashion.  How can you have a bang without something to explode?  Saying the universe began with a “big bang” is like saying that a mine began with the explosion of dynamite.  The dynamite is relevant to the opening of the hole, but the mine, the rocks, the unexploded dynamite, the space and time already had to have existed.  How moronic the whole concept of the big bang becomes with even a cursory analysis.

          I provide a framework for this, of course, a big bang that always happens and has always happened, but think about how little that adds to the complexity of the universe.

          To consider life forms, gods and even time independent protozoa that exist outside of time, life that exists all at once, might sound like science fiction, but the math as I see it says that even we creatures of space-time exist like that.  We don’t realize it because of the illusion of linearity, but there it is nonetheless.

          Moreover, because we all exist at once and without separation by real time or space, the concentrations of intelligence is more godlike than manlike.

          Physics doesn't ask for god, but one does show, uninvited.  Non-linear time requires that all time, space, thought is concentrated in one place.  The concentration necessarily encompasses a type of knowledge of the past and future so it is, if not a god, then a god similar construct.

          Perhaps in such a scenario a type of god is mathematically possible, perhaps even mandated, but not your god.  This god may be all knowing, he may be able to understand every emotion you have ever had at one time.  But he cannot change a thing, not a single god damned thing, because it already knows what will happen and in fact has made it happen.

          But, of course, if I am the spawn of Satan as you apparently want to believe, I must be an outlier, imbued with true self determination, the random element in a non-random universe.  I don’t accept that.  I am no more capable of being good or evil than anyone else.  It is the illusion of self-determination, both immensely powerful and irrelevant.

          And don’t give me your religious zealotry.  The last thing a religious bug thinks before it hits a windshield is "everything happens for a reason."  And the last thing a sympathetic bug says to another before they both hit the windshield is "everything is going to be alr..."

And when I explained that to her, before our arranged meeting, she responded; “Wait, we don’t have to accept that. You’re using your theory as an excuse for your conduct.”

          That is the same thing the girl said to me then.  And what I said back was, ‘That isn’t true.  I think from our perspective, the illusion of self-determination is as relevant as it would be for true self-determination. I only say that in a universe governed by specific rules, you can predict what happens next and that is the same thing as saying it has already happened.’”

          The girl did not even need a moment to think about this. “That doesn’t matter, even if it is a clever exercise in logic.  You used me.”

          “We needed each other, maybe.  You want to accuse me of manipulating you, but if you believe that you have to think that I can plan 20 or 30 years in advance and that I’d be willing to do that just toy with you for a whim.  You’d have to believe that I don't really like you.”

          “I have to go.”

          “We’ll see each other on Friday?”  I meant it as a question, did it come out that way?

          “Good bye.”

my road-editing

I'm down to 14 pages.  You're asking what took so long and you are right to do so.  I have, as I often do when I travel too much, a terrible bout of the dizziness that seems so much like brain cancer but which is apparently nothing more than an inner ear problem.
I forced myself to exercise, despite constantly feeling like the earth was rocking around me and while it wasn't a lot of exercise and done in the heat which is now unbearable, I feel better, enough to count the remaining pages, 14 and the remaining days, 2 and realize that it is time to finish.
And I pour out my heart and soul into the words you will never see.
I have also gotten involved in the rounding thing which may or may not be a true rounding, but may be enough to pretend it rounds things out.  It is confusing, I know, but some things are only explained in confidence and not to the world, only my writing, the bearing of my heart and soul I give freely to everyone.  The confidences of others, well, at least they are fictionalized.
I suppose that there are many out there who share the irony of the China problem that I must mention here.  The Chinese are building islands with our money to extend their country out to take over the lands around them, building metaphorical bridges to cut off other countries too weak to stand up to them.
A couple of months ago, boats loaded with everything we have manufactured sat unladen-ed off the west coast due to a dock workers strike, even now the backlog isn't finished.  And yet we talk of going to war against this country that makes the technologies which we need to explode our bombs and arm our planes and we extract guarantees from them that they are not sabotaging the computers they sell to our military.  You think I'm kidding, exaggerating, but all those things have happened and I wrote a book about it years ago and yet CNN never asks me to speak on national tv with a copy of my book in front of me.
Even so, with all of this, if I'm to finish editing the book in 15 days that was written in 30, I have to buckle down. It is now 64,000 words, only 6,000 short of 'true' novel length.  While I cannot both finish in time and add the 6,000 words, it is enough and perhaps I will finish in time.
Tonight I wrote of the love I felt and how when I walk I want to tell you nothing more than I love you, but no one is out there, its only a blog written to a cold universe which cares only in the way of non-linearity which I do not understand.

An exhausting visit

I visited the university by the lake, storm lashed, aging buildings but a spirit of entrepreneurship nonetheless.  A long 6 hour drive there and back with nary a kind word to speed me on, nor the perfect rest that should have divided the trip.
That there was much to do going and coming eased the otherwise lost time, but it was in agony I went and in agony I returned, with the moments of joy only being those where there was no expectations.

book reviews mcteague

I decided to read this book, which I now believe i had at least heard about before, because it was mentioned as one of the classics of american literature in "The Novel".  I decided to read The Novel because it was referenced in "Wild".  Deciding what to read can be a complicated process.
While I don't have time to write book reviews (this particular book was probably written in 1899-that's the date given to it and the writer died around 1903) it was particularly poignant dealing, as it did, with the 1899-1900's version of California and the mistreatment of one person or another.  It's hard to say anything about the book without giving away things which I would rather not give away, suffice it to say that it's worth reading, even though the mistreatment of the bird in the story was almost more than I can stand under the present circumstances other than the fact that it was merely a fictional bird and that it made for great illusion and redirection.
It is brutally written.
The writing allows you to step into San Francisco of that era and that alone makes it a worthwhile read.
It appears to have one of the great 'trap endings' of literature and film and is, to my knowledge, the first use of it; although I'm sure you'll come up with another one just to show you're smarter than me.
The moral of the story is that we should get together to protect as many birds as possible.  That actually is not the moral of the story at all, but I decided to say it anyway.

Non linear coordinate theory and mothers day

In a NLC universe, all things are pre-ordained, all have happened before and all continue to happen into eternity, or whatever non-linearity it.
Pre-destination is obvious to anyone who accepts science.
Even religion ends with this logical position. An all knowing god knows what will happen and therefore it is at least the equivalent that it has already happened, this being all the more true if god in fact created everything.
The ability to predict things using math, physics and chemistry (all, after all, extensions or detentions of one another) means that there is predictability to the universe.  Predictability disproves true randomness.  The lack of true randomness means that self determination is illusory.
Therefore, we are what we are into infinity. If we make little copies of ourselves, because it is what is predetermined, it has no more meaning to a quantum point in time which happens without true linearity in NLC.
There is joy and sadness in children, in life and in death.
But truely, the place where zen and non-linearity meet is where we must accept the moment as being all that matters, whether we occupy it with children or without.
And the amount of love we have for one another, to the extent it is diluted by children, need not suffer in its importance, and no one can say that diluted love is not just as strong, if not stronger since it is, in the moment, as continuous as anything else into eternity.

my road the last 26 pages

The end is in sight in terms of words and in terms of time to do them.
I've decided that I've put to many "" in the work, but I doubt I'll have time to deal with that because so much is happening.
Life is so full, but that did not prevent me from swimming 6300 yards the last 3 days.
I have some serious issues to deal with and I'm waiting to see if any of them deal with themselves or not.
In a predestined universe, it is complicated trying to evaluate where you are at at any point in time.
In a universe where you can stop playing a continuing part at any point in time it is hard to do things like swimming 6300 yards when you're not doing much other than moving back and forth and trying to get enough air so that you can enjoy another minute playing a role.  It's even harder not doing what you think you should be doing.
If you can do something hard, and we all do hard things, then when you don't do what you think you should be doing, there is something wrong with you.
So it's time to go to the desert, time to finish the books, time to run away and make love.
I don't do it, but that's no reason why everyone else shouldn't and there's no reason why you shouldn't do it.
It is time, it's always time.
Not tomorrow, not next week.
Now is the time for everything.
But not for me, not yet time.

My road, god and the science of despair

This takes us through page 87.  While this is just the re-write of a post previously written (edited if you prefer) it is such an important chapter, that it seemed appropriate to publish it even though it was largely set out before, embodying as it does so much information, even though in a fictional context.

I would say that your silent admiration is enough, but complete silence is often counterproductive.  However, under the circumstances and accepting as this chapter does that your response or lack thereof is already predetermined, I don't know that disappointment, even sadness is warranted, irregardless of its presence.

Anyway, here it is:

            “As I approach the end of my life as a virtuous person, it is important now to share the science of despair.  I have spoken of this theory.  It is not an allusion or other literary device.  It is, unfortunately, a very real thing.

            “At the time that I came up with it, I envisioned it as beginning with Einstein in the early 1900s, that clever physicist realizing that things were not what they seemed, that things only appeared the way they did from a relative view point that could change and change very easily.             “She, however, corrected me. It seems that she knew more about what I had developed than I did.  What I developed was the end of religion and the end of atheism.  I had answered both and rendered both irrelevant, although it would take me years to fully appreciate it.

            “Did you read the paper I sent to you,” the narcissist asks his one true love?

            “Yes, although I didn’t understand all of it.”

            “That is probably more because of my inability to properly express the technical side of things and the remaining portions yet be deduced.  In fact, I may never deduce them, it may be beyond my grasp.”

            “It looks like Zeno’s paradoxes.”

            “What!?”

            “Zeno, he was a Greek philosopher 5,000 years ago.  He was the teacher of Socrates.  But he came up with a series of inconsistences in time and space which would be known as Zeno’s paradoxes to support his teacher, Parmenides.”

            “On further study, I was to confirm this and the deep understanding of the Greeks concerning the paradox of space and distance.

            “Disheartened?  No at all.  First, it went a long way towards validating my work.  Also they had the what, but not why.  And while my work was not entirely original, I was able to formulate a mathematical model that explained an information based non-dimensionally tied space, energy, matter and black hole systematic pyramid. 

In the 1900s that famous Jewish physicist began to unravel the mystery and came up with the idea of space time and that without time everything would happen at once.  He could not give up dimension and time being present which was the same problem that the later hologramists had.  The reason that they were unable to figure out this very minor issue, although to be fair it was considered extensively in their works, was that they were all working backwards.  They were all starting with a linear universe and working back to a singularity.  Einstein, correctly, had at least recognized the possibility, by negative inference, of a singularity where everything happened at once.  It might be said without offense, that my primary contribution was in making a positive inference from a negative one.

            “Even fiction writers had come fairly close.  Kurt Vonnegut had a character come unstuck in time and his experiences were without true linearity.  But there was neither the theory to tie it down, nor did space time cease to exist at any point in the fictional examination.

            “Most factionalists clung desperately to multi-dimensions and time travel scenarios because they fit better within a ‘random’ linear framework.  While I was the first, perhaps, to give a frame work to the nonlinear environment, it came down to hologram theory to create a universe where everything happened at once, even though it was, incorrectly, a non-Zeno universe.  Again, the failed to completely eliminate randomness.

            “Hologram theory, working from observed phenomena, or more precisely from mathematical models of what they thought they were seeing in black holes, was the first theory to apply physics to the problem and determine that space was a projection from a two dimensional framework.  Unfortunately, like my earlier theory of EHT, this theory suffered because it could not abandon a dimensional framework.  It was inherent in a hologram that everything happened at once, being frozen in a universal hologram, but the idea that you had to project reality forth was where the theory would always fall short.  And even without projection the hologram itself had dimension.   The part which misled the hologramists the worst was a misunderstanding of black holes, the study of which had led to the theory.  Hologram theory held that at the level of gravitational and spatial collapse within a black hole that everything collapsed down to the two dimensional hologram.  They saw, as did EHT, the collapsing of space in a black hole as instead of what it was, a greater, no, an exponentially greater sharing of information or time orbits, within large concentrations of “coordinate information.”

            “There was one step left by the prior physicists to take and I took it.  It is the idea that space-time doesn’t exist at all.  It is the application of Einstein to Hologram theory that everything does happen at once. 

            “How does this indicate despair?  It sounds just like a physics lecture,” Jane asked.

            “To understand how it relates to despair, you have to leave physics and think about what it means as a philosopher.  Every moment continues to exist complete with all of its accompanying joy and trauma after we think it has passed.  Truly your life is what you make of it, but imagine if, having been made, it remains there forever.  The girl is forever doomed to be ignoring my pleas to go out before I got married. I am forever failing to do whatever it was going to take to make our relationship work.  The moments we suffered apart continue after they are gone into eternity, or into non-linearity which in some ways is the same and in some ways the opposite of eternity.”

            “But that makes it sound like all you need to do is start each day doing the right thing and keep it up, right?” Jane asked.

            “That, you correctly state, is the value of virtue.  While I was in a state of virtue, even though everything was crumbling around me, even though I faced a financial oblivion that threatened to destroy everything around me I was doing everything right. That is why my life at that time was a great as it had ever been….”

            “But is presumed by the long pause,” The regular said.

            “Yes, but if everything has happened, everything, as shown by math, physics and chemistry, can be predicted.  Predestination quickly follows from the ability to predict anything and the idea that every moment is frozen in its entirety containing all things that are happening in the universe.  The despair comes from the knowledge that there is only the illusion of self-determination.”

            “This conclusion came to me at the same time, or shortly after I had recognized that the mathematics was actually the mathematics concerned with information theory.  This leap of discovery would have been obvious to a freshman physics student with the least precocious mind, even though it took me almost a year after I had written down the information equation in support of my theory to realize what it meant. 

“When it finally did, very slowly, sink in to me, other scientists were already speculating that we were some kind of digital movie, an idea which I had already had, but which they made sound original by their superior access to the press.  But they remained far behind me, because I had discovered a new form of time that embodied space.  It was coordinate information theory.  A type of information which worked just like the information that we have, but which was subtly different because it made up the universe and because it remained in place long after it expressed itself with the illusion of linearity.

            “There was more to this, of course.  I was able to come up with the process for solving pi which otherwise was, by its very definition, an infinite series and therefore unsolvable in a linear environment.  I was able to explain what gravity was.  You remember my rant about Higgs Bosons.  Well, my theory yielded the reasons why a true Higgs boson was undiscoverable.  It explained how the fields were unified and why we could not take advantage of it.  I was able to prove that time remained frozen in place, and why we could never break into time in order to move about in it like a worm in the dirt.

            “Does this make me wise or brilliant?  No, it only makes me inquisitive.  For it to seem brilliant, someone else has to accept it.  And to accept it was to render it valueless.”

            “How could it be valueless?”

            “Because in a predestined universe, it has already happened.  I am merely a vessel carrying it to market.  Something has already filled the vessel and sent it to the market.  Even my existence is predetermined.”

            “You said you have proved and disproved god.”

            “Not in so many words, what I had done is to disprove religion as we believe in it.  In a predestined universe, there is no reason for faith and no need to acknowledge subservience to god.  The universe, whether a god created one or not, has already pre-programed into us our belief or disbelief.  Those who use religion to control others or as an excuse to do harm or good are merely following a script over which they have no control.”

            “But you don’t deny some sort of god.”

            “I redefine god.  God is not some all-knowing being, it merely represents a state of things, a creation where everything happens at once and without the possibility of randomness.           “The universe is self-determined and infinitely repeated.  It is circular, quantum and finite.  To the extent that it was created, it was created without a moment, because a moment would not have existed if linearity is an illusion which it must be for everything to be so predictable as to allow for mathematics.”

            “So you are saying there is a god, whatever your definition?”

            “The existence of a type of god is inherent in a predestined universe, but it is not the god that you would pray to.  It is a god that has stripped the meaning of life and the meaning of faith.  What value would your prayers have to a god who had already determined whether they would be given or not?”