ghosts of books in the future: notes from desk

I made it to page 81 of 119 pages with 62,000 words.  I looked at all the unpublished posts, including poems that I have now redacted.  I didn't get too far in that project which, when completed, will be "the fickle lover" aptly named in my opinion.

It makes me very melancholy.  Occasionally, like tonight, I have exercised enough, work has gone well, I want to feel peaceful and relaxed and then I see whats missing from my life and I deflate like a balloon, a reflection of the sadness in the book that will, soon enough be finished. Essentially written in 30 days and edited in 15, proving that some sort of book can be written in 45 days.

(1) I read a lot of notes that needed to go into the book, some on gas lighting, such as this one:

 "However, it is not so easy to identify a “high functioning” narcissist. He (or she) tends to be responsible, will have a good job, own his own business, be good with managing his money, will have good credit, own his own home, often be highly intelligent and creative, may have a history of a long-term marriage or relationships, will be involved with his children, will take excellent care of himself physically, and may also be a prominent member of society.

It is harder to detect the abuse or dysfunction when you are dealing with a high functioning narcissist. Interestingly, it is often their partners who come to believe they are the problem in the relationship. The intelligent high functioning narcissist outsmarts and even brainwashes his partner which leads the partner to believe his taunt that she is the one with the problem. He is still a narcissist and cannot accept blame of any sort; for example, if he does have an extra-marital affair he will blame his partner, saying her behavior made him do it. Like the classic narcissist, the high functioning narcissist also engages in ‘crazy making’ (projecting, gaslighting, etc) and their partners cannot express their anger without being subject to accusations, reminders of the partner’s many faults, or having the issue completely ignored while the focus is changed to the partner’s reaction to the issue.

Gaslighting or gas-lighting is a form of mental abuse in which information is twisted or spun, selectively omitted to favor the abuser, or false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity.Instances may range simply from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, up to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim.

Psychological projection is a theory in psychology in which humans defend themselves against unpleasant impulses bydenying their existence in themselves, while attributing them to others.

(2) Then there were other notes, some peaceful, like this one: "Like the morning glories outside my office beautifully encircling while chocking them off. Never regret it , though you miss it everyday, if you don't then you've died."

(3) Others seem poetic: A lover's soul dwells in the body of another

(4) Some seem to have unclear historical places: Stoic-Zeno: Not where you are born into but the human race as a whole.

(5) Some are parts of other books on the downfall of the modern rome:  "exporting slavery-getting others to do your manufacturing. Roman empire-a slave fo r every person in the empire if not 3. They will bring US down just as rome was usurpered. They will be the ones supplying the world a way of life, not us.
And this one: "Term limits-people used to die young, now we have an older, less sickly congress
decisions more complex, results happen faster"

(6) Some seem to have science:
The physics beyond the looking glass

(7) Some seem to talk about radio shows
Farewell to the country store-a prarie home companion

(8) Some talk about books written in the past
BGWang-Sullen, unhappy group, did not work, like desperate bands back home. and beneath to close off edg hyped the inability to do work in america with american workers. While point was that One company was able to do this, the gist of this was the impossibility of competing globally, a fault of our government as much as our overall economy because we are being systematically attacked and the government is forsaking its one true goal, to protect the republic in times of war.

(9)Some seem to combine poetry and science
All potential, but not all things. What if einstein is wrong and everything doesn't happen at once-just the potential for everything to happen, this allows for self determination while implicit in our universe: potential equals energy it is not suggested in circular arguments, infinite series.
Infinite series-better not best
how old would you feel if there was no age, with you 20, without you 1000, give away u and give away youth and therefore life

(10) Some don't make any sense
Disease strips certain carriers common.

(11) Some are just notes
Military society reflected by predominance of military on stage at superbowl, but real power lies in economy unless you are actually firing guns, a war we are losing quickly. An advertisement even es
hyped the inability to do work in america with american workers. While point was that One company was able to do this, the gist of this was the impossibility of competing globally, a fault of our

(12) and Some seem to be the ghosts of books future:

Monsters of night-all night workers are vampires or those who work around them. I don't like night people. There is something wrong with them. They are doing drugs or selling drugs or looking for a reason to kill you because you looked at their girlfriend who wants to see them kill someone for her if she's out at night-when asked why he doesn't play in a band.

Good night love where ever you sleep tonight.  How thinking about you affects me, how you torment me how you elude me, how I miss you.
The moon drives all lovers mad
And so we are left with a world of madmen and those who envy them in their sadness and insanity.