what to do with forever

It is really exhausting pretending to be smarter than everyone else.
No one likes a braggart.  Don't get me wrong, I rarely brag about this, although woe unto anyone who asks me about my theory of quantum mechanics.  Oh, how elegantly and at what length I wax.
When I opened my computer, I saw the title, as if someone else had written that even though it was likely me.
I am now come very close to the time when all things must be considered.  That is I have come to the proverbial fork in the road.  In either direction lies forever.  I have, of course, already chosen the road with all of its consequences.  Perhaps there is a nearer death down one or the other, almost certainly they don't go exactly the same distance.
I am uncomfortable, I feel both an excess of sugar, a lethargy from the absence of very hard exercise (thunder has kept the pool closed and the floor exercises reflect my lack of focus), I feel the forces that make up the future beckoning to me in a way they do not beckon to anyone else.
This morning I sat outside looking at the tall trees moving in the wind.  There was so much detail there, the sky beyond them, the stars and all their complexity hidden by the blue light, but I knew they were there, attempting to show a universe too complicated to fit my theories, but fitting there none the less.  I thought I would write then something like this, "I think that I can see the non-linearity in things around me."
But when I opened my computer, that isn't what I saw.  I saw a question, "what to do with forever."
What part of me asked this question and who was I talking to?  I suppose in truth that I cannot see the non-linearity of things, even though I know, only I know, that it is there.
What I ask you, are you planning on doing forever.  What, I ask myself, am I planning on doing.
A clearer picture never spread out before anyone, but it would surprise you what it looks like.  For there are not two choices, one with joy and one with sadness.  They both contain equal parts of each.  It is a question of who offers what in each, and whether I believe the presents which are laid before each one.  Are the real or are they mirages?
Wait for me future, let me sleep in peace one night, so that when I go forward to face you I will have some rest.  And the future mocks me, knowing that whatever night I face, I have faced it already and will face it forever.