18/394 deadline/apocalypto

18 days!  That's way too few to finish; but I am actively working on beginning the filings next week; hopefully the first ones on Tuesday.  That means working over the weekend.  

Two doses of vaccine do not mean immunity, maybe only statistics.

I'm two days post M-covid vaccine; no real symptoms, the first day other than the excruciating arm pain in the middle of the night which was not really excruciating; just hurting bad enough to keep me awake.

The sore arm thing suggested swimming, so I did that yesterday.

Surprisingly, to me most of all, I managed 1700 yards, including the whole 250 fly; but I did cut the breast stroke short; but my arm stopped hurting as much and last night it was better.

Walking the dog was hard later in the evening.  I had begun to feel really run down.  This continued into the night, getting worse; arising to the level that I thought I was getting sick or at least that the vaccine was having those effects; but it was also possible it was just exhaustion, a hard swim, sleep deprivation, stress, no you, and whichever was the case, I feel better this morning so rest was certainly important.

The arm pain was a lot less too.  It did get a little worse after the swim which involved an hours worth of stressing the place where the shot went in; but it didn't wake me up last night and the soreness to day isn't dramatic.  I'd say overall the swimming appears to have been a good idea.   Day 2 post getting the shot dawns warmer, although cold is coming.

I don't really like the way Quora does things, but occasionally I am directly asked questions, like this one and less occasionally I will answer them.  There are a lot of other answers, most of them bunk.

Can we achieve interstellar travel using only known physics?

Greg Friedlander

·

17m ago

CEO (2020–present)

Depends on what you mean by “known.” AuT explains how it is possible to do near instantaneous travel over short distances and to limit the time for interstellar travel. I don’t think other science has the details necessary.

Now that being said, while it is possible, the ability to use the knowledge and other limitations built into the system raise questions that require a more in-depth discussion and since you asked for me, I will give it to you:

1. The universe is fractal
2. Fast interstellar travel requires manipulation of the travel which can best (as best I’ve come up with so far) be compared to trying to pull one rubber band from the center of a ball of rubber bands and insert it into a second ball of rubber bands without undoing them. It is possible to do this, but its a lot of work and the rubber band balls and distance between them are immense.
3. Its worth remembering that nature is pretty smart and nature hasn’t figured out a good way to do this. On the other hand, AuT allows us to at least look past where nature is stopped (the time barrier). This gives us a tool which nature doesn’t have. Except to the extent we are a part of nature, of course.

There are under 350 posts, I think around 343 to retire.  Some of them later will probably be too long to comment on.  This one was pretty short and is what I was thinking about 6/8/13, I suppose; but not willing to say.

June 8, 2013the unselfish meaning of love

worrying about another
love only for one
unable to forget

Real time virus stuff

There is a lot to unravel today.

I rode my bike to my office today, then as the afternoon was coming on, an email came out saying if I brought my card i could get the first covid shot.  Turned out to be Moderna; but it didn't matter, it was a chance after having covid in the family, being a vaccine scavenger and a plethra of people around me get sick and some of them die to get whatever protection that included.

The plan was to do an easy ride; but I only had two hours and I figured, correctly, they'd run out of vaccine before everyoen with the same card was vaccinated.  So I rode hard, not too hard, but consistent.  Jumped in the car where I had a t-shirt that i was to change into before I got out of the car, it was cold so I was wearing a long sleeve shirt and a coat even though the sun was warm.

The drive was a lot, exited the interstate and had no trouble spotting the line which moved fast, they had it set up, but before I'd been in the line a few minutes it stretched out behind me despite the fact I'd had to ride from my office then drive downtown.

It was a good venue, when I finally parked, went inside, down the stairs, finished filling out the form they'd given me after seeing my card in the car and the scare that the running out of vaccines included me I sat down with a competent nurse/shotgiver who said she'd given more than 700 shots that day and looked out over the river while the shot was given to distract myself and it was not painful and is only a little sore now.

There was a lot of talk about waiting, I did not wait the full 15 minutes, for reactions and what to do if something came up later, but I haven't noticed any symptoms except maybe for a short period of time my lips were numb.

Its later now and I was up at 4:30 this morning so I'm going to finish this tomorrow and we'll see what it means.

Last night the area of the shot was sore, sore enough to wake me up.  Interesting it wasn't a real problem till later.

This morning I watched Real Time with Bill Maher (ep 553 s19e3) which had, after the monolog, two virologists who gave a fascinating discussion on vaccines and were pretty specific and candid that the virus came out of a lab (90% chance) and these people were not nut jobs.

This is important enough to be worth sharing, so

I'll be back...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzxBWyizWTw&t=1040s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6vwrxDc3TA

This is the D-day post, maybe the second one?, from 2013.

june 7, 2013-3 decades of love

What would I not give up
that is more pain then gain
is there some connection
that exists between certain people
or is love just a chemical

22/390 deadline/apocalypto

So I fell asleep writing this post, well technically I didn't feel like it was done and I went to bed, but its the same thing.

There is another post from this date (in 2013) that looked a lot more interesting from the subject.

But we're attempting to do something else, get rid of all the old posts.  It's still at or over 340; I could check and see, but why bother?

Today I dealt with the larger outstanding expenses I had to deal with which left me feeling played out.  That being  said, it was not a total loss as a day.

I was able to successfully figure out how to deal with the science problem with one of the two large grants which are nearly finished.  Essentially I figured out how the Li in the Li battery does its thing; something which I had largely figured out, but there was a twist which was quite unexpected.  This means there are two different very real, very applicable grants which would not only take me to the end of the year; but which are already largely worked out theories.  Essentially, it means I'm certain to be able to do what I set out to do for each of them

This was actually a pretty significant undertaking; explaining something which I had partially figured out but which once fully explained was surprisingly insightful.  It also meant that the work which was such a drag over the weekend came in very handy.

Tomorrow, I have to deal with the rejection and get the budget information where it belongs and find whatever budget justification I have so I can match it to these new undertakings.  This means getting deep into the dark underbelly of government online accounting; but I have some help and if I can get it done next week as I expect; I can put two of these undertakings completely to bed and still have a couple of weeks to finish the others.  The one group giving me the most encouragement has been largely silent; but I feel good about things.

There was no room at the gym and I didn't have the energy to see if I could get in anyway; so I cleaned my office, something that needed to be done a while back; but with the limited traffic; it wasn't noticeable; but it smells like pine now and its done; although I plan to do a little more surface cleaning over the next few days.

So much for the minutia of the day.  I had a conversation about how to get a covid shot; unfortunately it did not sound legitimate to me; although it did sound like it would work.   The problem is that you can get a surplus shot; but if you do you take the chance of becoming a pariah.  So you let the shots get thrown away instead?  I guess that is the question.

 I hate the way things are right now, the limits on motion the waiting, the problems with others who have attention and funding while I languish with better science but without the assistance I need to move forward.  Of course, I am light years ahead of where I was 5 years ago, scientifically light years ahead of where I was 12 months ago.  It is still so exhausting.

This morning at 5 am I imagined life without you as being better than the alternative for the first time, I think ever.  It wasn't a pleasant view of life, mind you; more of a look into perceived faults.  Sometimes it is impossible to see the possibility of fault in someone else.  The feeling fades, but leaves a strange aftertaste of memory.  Probably the result of being up at 4:30 am.  Now I just think it would be fun to see how those potential faults would offset the more pleasant aspects.  Perhaps it is the start of healing.

Speaking of the type of longing that leads to my science; I addressed this in an interesting way, I said that empirical knowledge was decades ahead of theory and this science brought the theory up to date.  The work on semi-conductors I did makes me think that is probably true now.

But my coffee is ready and today looks to be unpleasant in many respects.

one of 2 6/7/2013 Tech follows manufacturing from USA to China-BG Wang

In China, an Empire Built by Aping Apple http://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/05/business/global/in-china-an-empire-built-by-aping-apple.html

23/389 deadline/apocalypto

A six day count down for the most dangerous period where covid has gotten too close for comfort.  This will, in many ways, be the worst of it; but there is still nothing I can do. I worry because it is a disease that goes up and down.

Slept fitfully, need to spend a lot of time looking at plasmas today to see how to rehabilitate the work that is ongoing. I have been making notes there anyway; but its incumbent upon me to do more.  At least I have a couple of weeks to deal with it.

Today was a nothing workout today, a long walk with the dog and some easy weights.  After two hard swims, a hard bike ride and an easy bike ride I don't feel guilty about this.  I'm tired and my eyes hurt.  I miss you.  I think about reaching out, but that is something which I cannot do.  It isn't impossible, but it is inconsistent with what you have said you are looking for, at least for now.  We'll see if this changes or not.

I could have covid, i don't think so, but that is how tired and frustrated and alone I am.  I embrace it because you were alone and i wasn't there.  I hate it for the other people, but for me it is a deserved punishment.  At least I have enough to do, too much really.  All with an uncertain outcome.  Are you there at the end of it or something else?

There are questions that have answers and questions that are just other questions waiting to be asked.

I believe that there are gaps where we were together, where there was no reason to solve the world's problems; where unrequited love was replaced with present love.

Nothing but an article here, I wonder if after almost 8 years it is still true.

6/4/13

Astonishing Numbers: America's Poor Still Live Better Than Most Of The Rest Of Humanity http://www.forbes.com/sites/timworstall/2013/06/01/astonishing-numbers-americas-poor-still-live-better-than-most-of-the-rest-of-humanity/

hiring 24 to deadline/388 day of the apocolypto/340 drafts to go

I slept better last night but not well by any means.

I did wake up with an idea of what to do next and worked for an hour before all my thoughts were put down where I could get to them later.  It will be a busy day today.  I have 3 weeks left, not much time.  I only reached about half of my goals yesterday, although I was up early and writing this morning to some effect.

The day passed.  I rode my bike again, this time only to the office and back.  Good exercise, good vibes despite the bursitis still acting up from last night.  I managed to get the two drafts out that I had planned for today, just finished meditating to get some rest.

Here is an article for me:

It is so hard to hire strong software engineers in San Francisco for my company. Has anyone solved this problem?

https://turing.com.  I was also referred to here:upwork.com. For the machine learning space, toptal.com.

I reached out to programmers generally for a grant that I probably won't get.  Didn't hurt to take this small step and there is a fair amount at stake, possibly a great deal.

I forgot to add "grand gestures."  That's another thing that lovers do for one another when they are separated.  Like figuring out how the universe operates or the neutron backbone of the PTE.  You don't get the whole unfairness issue inherent in this, that gets to the whole selfishness concept.

And figuring out how to get together, there is that too.  You fool yourself into thinking that you are more desperate than I am.  I don't even know if you are there.  But it is good to let you know that I am here, still.

Down to 340 drafts.  Some, like this one, are only a line or two.

I suppose the most interesting part of this post is that somewhere there is a part un, 6/2/13 by BG Wang.

I did not remember this, showing how terrible my brain in, but BG Wang was a nom de plume like Mark Twain.  BG Wang being an immature homonym or maybe homonym isn't exactly right, it being a description of a body part and a name as opposed to having two specific meanings, but you get it if you think about it.  Not sure what I was doing that back in 2013 and the prior post is still there.

Anyway, part one is way back there in the real june, 2, 2013.

6/2/13  why we will die alone part duex

ok, the only part of the first entry that had to do with anything was the part about being self-ish.

25/387 deadline/apocalypto

What a weird old post to finally get out of may of 2013.  Yep, May of 2013 is finally done.

Speaking of done, I woke up really early this morning, didn't want to get started so I watched a few of the late night videos and it was nice to see elderly people doing their jobs being a major topic.  It had a comic feel even to straight news, as if all of the work in the world was being performed by zombies but no one really cared.

I have a lot to do today.   I have to finish a usable draft of the second long form grant, at the end of the evening I was drawing pictures of intersecting spirals on elephants.  It works pretty well, a little weird and, of course it had to work a little better on a morbidly perfect, probably taxidermized elephant than a real life one where it belonged on the savannah.  

I did a bike ride to the river and back, two hours, the weather was perfect for a windbreaker.  It left me famished which was nice, the first time I've been hungry for a while.  I could also use a shower.  Spring is here and I need someone to share the bloom of flowers.

I have spent some time otherwise getting the next long grant ready to edit after next weeks' meetings.  I plan to do two of the powerpoint drafts with a goal of having at least 4 ready when sun sets on Sunday.  I've been looking over these thinking i'll tone it down from 8 instead of going up to 10.  Maybe 3 or 4?  Part of this is because of competition.

Writing every day or almost every day, that's what lovers do when they can't be together, in case you don't know.  Iwhpabioy if that were possible.  Or maybe its just torturing myself, I'm not sure.   My eyes hurt.

I ate a big lunch after the ride.  A two egg omelet grits two slices of bacon and toast.   Was still hungry after must have burned some calories in 2 hours of riding; or maybe I'm just fat.

Anyway, this is all that came from the end of may, 2013.  It ended on a nothing.

5/31/13 Most EU states oppose Chinese solar panel duties

http://mobile.reuters.com/article/idUSBRE94Q08W20130527?irpc=932

26 days to next deadline! apocalypto 388 and some poetry from 2013

6 more days of quarantine to worry about.  At least I have more information now and so far no indication of more serious problems.  Still nerve wracking and stressful.  There's no hospital nearby, but there is a clinic and so far no reason to worry, but it is a disease which shows its worst face at the end and that is 10 days away.  I would rather that it was me, alone and isolated, but we all have to accept what the future holds for us and for those we love, would you agree with me.  Would you rather know that I love you or be left to wonder?  Would you rather know I cannot stop thinking about you?  Nor could anyone else.  I hear every painful word, over and over again.  

I am setting things up now in earnest, the deadlines you see at solid and unavoidable and there is much to do, too much to do, in the allotted time, even with all of the help I have; too many problems to deal with too many things to learn, to many choices to make.

That being said, I managed to get out another grant draft today and do substantial work on a couple of other pending grants.  I managed to get drafts of the documents I need to discuss absolutely next week and the hope is that over the remainder of the weekend I will make progress on the backup documents.

What we did together, what you had me do, you muse; it is overwhelming and it is all coming together and falling apart.  How could I do it with you and how can I possibly do it without you.  And what a thing it is it rears up like some dragon before me.  Where is my knight in shining lingerie?  Yes, the world is mine to do as I want; and yet it controls me.  How is this possible?

I drank way too much coffee (had a coffee zoom meeting) so I walked the dog after the rain stopped which only made me tired but jittery so it was off to the pool, otherwise sold out this evening.

After the hard swim yesterday, I was just planning to do 500 yards and an im or two.  Ended up doing 2200 yards, pretty much the same way as last time because I had the pool almost entirely to myself and all that caffeine coursing through my system.  Gave me a lot of time to think and worry about us, a non-existent matter of great concern to me.

Had a couple of things to write down after that, then moved on to finishing the one long document I had not started that I needed tomorrow.  I did not get very far into that, wrote a lot, but not much organizing and almost no incorporation into the form of the lengthy report that was prepared for me, presumably to include.

I do have a solid start on 1 of 8-10 slide show applications and its off for review, something I may or may not get.  This weekend I need to get the one long form finished; at least I've done one now so I know what I'm looking for, and at least two or three of the slide shows.

Today I did a lot.  I also asked for the referrals that I need which I may or may not get.  The good news is that I had a pretty solid draft (in my opinion) of the one that I finished.  The bad news, I am no closer to you than when I woke up this morning.

Do you remember 5/29/13?  I cannot remember that day in May, but I know what was happening, I was in love and I was writing poetry and my heart was broken.  And apparently, I was watching Seinfeld.

May 29, 2013

How do some people
tell so well the stories
of love and loss
the ones we listen to
that take us back
to when we were
younger, together
when our hearts
beat as one together
and when we were
torn completely apart

Seinfeld did a routine about lovers becoming friends.  He said it was difficult because they knew each other's tricks.  He said it was like two magicians trying to entertain each other.
I wonder about two friends would were lovers becoming friends again and what you would say to them.  But there is a difference between love and sex.  One burns hot, the other tunnels deep.  Friendship can be burned by one and swallowed by the other.

27 days to next deadline! apocalypto 387

I managed to get one of two drafts sent today, with 27 days left, that is 1 of 10 at a minimum.  I'll be working through the weekend.

So you are gone for good?  It is awful to think about.  I have to ignore these things to function.  I did have an excellent time pitching the project several times in the last 2 days, but it is sort of our thing, I'm not sure it matters otherwise.

I was exhausted by 2, but felt some exercise was necessary, especially after the close brush with feeling sick yesterday (lots of sun and yoga before going back to work) and saw the gym was sold out for the evening options so I ran over thinking perhaps I could get in since I didn't know if the earlier class was sold out or not.

I had no energy, was thinking just a warm up of 1000 yards would be better than nothing given the hard swim 3 days ago.  Fortunately, they had room.  It was crowded, but I still had a lane to myself; still too close for comfort giving the breath that is done (deep breath, 3 strokes exhaling, deep breath).  I managed to swim 2200 +yards, 1200 im, including 2x400 of the not so great kind, but the last 100 was really hard.  Was worried I had broken something, but I am ok right now; I think and tired.

But I am very unhappy about things.

The covid problem is a long term one, I cannot know anything that is good for a couple of weeks.  There is only potential bad stuff.

But I swam 2200 yards when I wasn't sure I could get in and when I didn't know if I could swim anything close to what I did.  I am broken hearted, but no worse than you.  I am worried and there is nothing I can do but try not to worry.

During one of my earlier pitches, I left open the need to do a pitch which was long and most of which wasn't going to be used.  One of the left off pieces was this one:

Now an industrialist or power company might say, this technology is important because I can make money with it so I want to license it and pay a lot of money.  But equally important a humanist might says, "so the reason I want to kill or subjugate everyone who doesn't look or talk like me is because of an underlying algorithm?  Maybe I should rethink my priorities."  At least that's the hope.

I didn't send that, but I preserve that here and the longer part I set aside to include in one of the grants.

I don't know what else to do but to go on for now.  Things have to change for the better soon, the news is a news of science and I am grateful for that.

Here is the post from 5/27/13.   It is an early example of looking at pi, way before the importance was determined.  It has some Real insights:

1) space...when you go to infinity it ceases to have a logical foundation, true.

Rather than rewrite those here, I'll bold face them in the text below.

What is clear is that in May I had not formulated the underlying fractal structure in even its most basic sense.  I was scared and in love and thinking about this but also an entirely different future.  

Now, I am anxious, in love and wondering what type of future I should be looking for.

infinite series and irregular numbers in e-hologram theory

5/27/2013

The most troubling aspect of e-hologram theory is that it requires that we ignore space as we know it for initial theoretical purposes.  Space continues to exist practically, but when you go to infinity, it ceases to have a logical foundation.  this is observed as matter is looked at in less than plank distances where it appears to be something other than matter as we see it and we talk about waves and we talk about strings.
There are other, more immediate examples.  22/7 (pi) is a good example.  This number has aspects which are predictable.  A curve which meets itself should necessarily rely on a number which recognizes this curve; but the number is still a number and the infinite nature of the series.
Hologram theory should provide a basis for these infinite series, just as they are intuitive.
Dark energy has been predicted to be particles popping in and out of existence in what we'd otherwise have called empty space.  This is another equivalent in the hologram universe.  This can be the singularity affected with time coordinates corresponding to empty pace or even in less than all of the dimensions of space.  It could be time being exposed to dimensions and then not exposed to dimensions while being exposed to time or possibly being exposed to dimensions without the other aspects of time which is an intriguing alternative.
This so called dark or vacuum energy equivalent has to have some basis that makes it both logical and invisible.  Could it be that expanding time, that is time which has dimensions creating the impression of expansion, cause other tendencies to acquire time to fill what would otherwise look like a void with space?  If so, is there a finite amount of time so that the breaks would suddenly be put on expansion as space could no longer be filled with this type of time -energy or is there an infinite amount.  The former will give space an elasticity (if not a sudden brake); the later would allow for continued expansion.  If it is necessary to fill the void with time having that dimension, is it possible to fill it faster or slower to speed up or slow down the universe.
quarks and anti quarks (opposite charged) and other annihilation of matter is design of big bang theory.   Antimatter has been determined to exist in our universe.  What is anti-matter in e-hologram theory?  matter and antimatter are different-asymmetrical.  Anti-time might account for this but what is anti-time.  antipositron and anti-protons asymmetry as compared to matter quarks might be best indicator of how time attaches to tendencies or perhaps there are two types of tendancies in the singularity.

light carrying the past-looking back and conserving time

I felt bad earlier, almost like i was coming down with something, the plague?

So i had a conference call, but did not have to speak much so went home and found a place out of the wind, took my clothes off (mostly), did yoga and soaked up the sun.  I feel better now, watching the snow fall on a covered bridge in Vermont.

I also took some vitamin c and d just in case.

It is something of a relief to have a grown up in the white house.  The daily shock of the last administration was a little much.  I am surprised at how much it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Didn't hit a single number on the lottery.  That doesn't bother me because there were too many flaws in the approach.  Not sure when I'll pick that up again, but usually if I wait the answers come to me.  I'm excited about it, but there are things that are more important than money and what am I supposed to do about that.  If not, perhaps I can just exclude enough numbers to it can be won...that's an idea.

Another visit from covid has come into my world so i have more anxiety about that then I can handle; but handle it I must.

Not sure what is going to happen next, that is life.

God, another of these posts which was terribly far off.  Not this has nothing to do with what light or time is.  Good lord, how did I ever get to the right place.

may 26, 2013

A picture captures the past
Light is nothing more than a carrier for the image in the picture.
We are not looking back in time when we observe ancient light; we are only looking at a picture.  But light holds a special place in the universe, whether in o-space or in g-space.  Of course, light does not exist as such in g-space until time is added.  Time gives the illusion of speed and light is the fastest illusion.  For whatever reason when time is attached is moves no faster than the speed of light.  Since all speed is a fiction and function of time, the speed limit is irrelevant.
One circular argument is that if light is a function of awareness and if awareness is a function of thought as we now it and if thought has a maximum speed which is a function of electrical impulses; light is a limit because time is based on thought.
In traditional physics while you can exchange and change matter and energy, in any closed system; including the universe, there is conservation of mass and energy.
The equivalent in e-hologram theory approaches several thorny issues and one which we haven't gotten to yet and will not get to in this blog in its entirety.
I'm going to refer to this as conservation of time which is a theory, but not a stable of e-hologram theory.
First-matter and energy are tendencies to which time has attached in the singularity giving them the appearance of vectors (or dimension).  The singularity allows for everything to happen at once until time is added so in order to have conservation of mass/energy in our universe, there must be a set amount of time.  Since there is a finite amount of time, it must be conserved.
Time does, however, allow for increases in dimension which means in our universe time can stretch.  Not all time stretches the same amount and dimension requires that time stretch at different rates and without friction which is logical since friction is a function of matter rubbing against matter which cannot happen in the singularity since there is no dimension and hence contact is impossible.
Friction and all interactive forces, must be related to gravity which is the tendency of matter and energy to surrender time.
Energy has less frictional aspects, so it can be seen as (1) having less time or (2) having time which has stretch so far or retracted so far (one is just the opposite of the other to us) that it does not have the same tendency to combine with adjacent time.  This stretching or retracting requires a much deeper analysis that a Sunday afternoon blog allows so we will come back to it later.

29 days to next deadline! apocalypto 385

I am drinking a glass of wine after an exhausting day.

For the first time I took a serious look at the lottery using the AUT math.   And yes, I would have finished it in time to do more yesterday if I wasn't busy getting my feelings crushed; but we earn the way the earth treats us, the proof of original sin is death first, life second.  And no, no one else will get the lottery numbers, as yet I'm not doing you any favors anyway, just trying to find patterns that may not be there.

Apophenia (/æpoʊˈfiːniə/) is the tendency to perceive meaningful connections between unrelated things. The term (German: Apophänie) was coined by psychiatrist Klaus Conrad in his 1958 publication on the beginning stages of schizophrenia.

But the fractal patterns are there, I think.  And if not, then we'll see how things go with schizophrenia.

There is also this

https://asiatimes.com/2021/01/america-on-a-new-fast-track-to-fusion-energy/

The SBIR program is heating up

questions of competence instead of madness

which is a type of madness in itself.

My science gives me absolution

Reality convicts me

I see the bright side of our fights

because they highlight the love that is there

and it condemns me

because i have to hope for something better

I worked tirelessly for the last several weeks. 

 I have made some strides, had a few setbacks

 and don't have time to do what needs to be done.

I need more money a bigger team

and yes, i need you more than my science, more than the lotter, 

more than i need death to finally give me peace;

you don't think i want to say what mine is yours

but i think you know it

even if neither of us can admit it

 

but I don't have time for that

you don't either

you have to live life

I have to make this thing a legacy

to prevent its death, because of mine

but it is not the only thing that matters

you can believe that

and everyone can argue that

but the fire that burns in us hurts

but it is something that powers us

i took more than I should have

far more than you should have given

and you gave more than you knew

because nothing was bleak

until we sought to extinguish the blaze

Anyway, there was almost nothing to this post in may of 2013; at least it wasn't inaccurate

5/24/2013wordpress link for wordpress blog

http://en.blog.wordpress.com/2011/07/28/how-to-get-more-traffic/

There is no bottom

I was really low yesterday, the level of personal and professional frustration is hard to put in context.

I swam 1700 yards, hard, 1000 im, the 5 200s no 400s but still hard and I felt better afterwards.

today was worse.

Its a good thing to look into the mirror, it isn't always pretty.

A passionate fight is just a way to package passion and that makes it all the worse, because the love is there, along with the self loathing and regret.  The more passionate the fight, the more horrible it is to be forced to acknowledge the love.

I can live with my self loathing and regret because I have seen the bottom; but I don't know how to live giving that to someone else.  But that doesn't mean there is no original sin.

Its interesting what the mind dredges up when things get horrible, it is like there is a place where all the horrible memories are stored, a child seeing his mother die and his whole life upended.  It sounds like the bottom but it isn't.

When I was young, long before I was old enough to control my own life, I was put on an eviction crew.  Have you ever wondered what happens to people who are evicted, but don't move?  A crew of people show up with the sheriff and they carry the person's possessions outside and put them on the street and all the children's tears and anger and sadness have no effect on the process.  At the end of, someone, it was never me, padlocks the door.

So I have done something worse than whatever else I've ever done, even though it was not in nature to control my life as a child.  Perhaps there is a hell and this is it.  

So where is the bottom?  It is bringing someone you love to hell with you.  That's when you realize there is no bottom.

This is also all wrong, but there is a rightness to it, because time is at least potentially subject to control after a fashion, not change but time.  It is, however, a shame that this post is nonsense overall.

may 25, 2013the secret to apparent faster than light travel

Alas, the secret is neither new, nor particularly secret.
Since dimension is an illusion, one need only change time in order to move at any speed, instantaneous (apparent).
We know this type of time or this aspect of time if you would is within our control because we move freely (albeit at a slow pace) using mechanical, newtonian physics.
Einstein was correct in as far as he took this.  By truth or to mislead later men, he held fiercely to space, thereby limiting himself.  This is entirely reasonable given his limited exposure to projection.  Most of us, if not all of us, are constrained to imagine that space is an illusion, but this is what e-hologram theory suggests, it is intuitive (at least at black holes), and it is entirely consistent with Einsteins theory of events, now repeated so often I will not repeat it again.
This means that we observe in the real universe time being removed from matter at which point the time stops relative to time outside of the gravity or velocity and it being returned without a loss of coordinates in space.  This "locational memory" of time, at least when not completely stripped from a tendency give space the illusion of fabric (space time) but it is a function of awareness or time since it can be removed and take you completely out of space.  The corollary, of course, is that if you can exchange time with one set of tendencies with another set, you can move anywhere you want in the universe instantly.

31 days to next deadline! apocalypto 383 weaponizing

I used to be able to dig post holes all day long.  Now after an hour I'm pretty much done.

It was nice to get some upper body work, even thought that is a strange way to do it.  Maybe, unlikely, I will swim today.  

I'm thinking about using my math to predict the lottery results.  This seems pretty unlikely; especially without a lot more data that I could possible dig out, but it is an interesting thing to look at and I found a way to cheat the data out.  Of course when you cheat on the data, you mess up the results, but even so it is an interesting math problem and with the results being as high as they are it seems worth doing.

Now if only I could find someone who I trust, or who I wouldn't mind robbing me, in a jurisdiction where they sell lottery tickets to buy them for me....

This is post 2501, that is interesting isn't it?

I'm miserable right now, too much worry, too much to do, too many problems to solve.  Even the call which is coming up is unpleasant to me; knowing it is for nothing and now knowing why it is for nothing.  The life force is not strong today, because I don't see a way forward to what is important, at least nothing quick.  It is just a slow slog.

50-160, this is the number of people (minimum) calculated necessary to repopulate the earth.  It makes you wonder what would happen with only 2 and how it started with 1; but I guess there was never really just one, but perhaps at one point there were less than 50.  And other studies suggest 2000 so its all over the place.  It puts things in perspective.  How important everyone is in a crisis.

Did I say there were no more may entries?  There are many of them, even in May.  348 old posts still out there.  When I get to the most recent one, well when I get there you'll see a post that probably makes no sense.

One of those terribly old books I had had this quote:

What were you thinking of when you were her age?" "You," he said promptly. She became a little coy. "You hadn't even met me!" "Just the same I was thinking about you. Doggone it, I didn't have a very good life before I met you. Oh, I don't mean it that way at all. I had everything most other people did, but it just seemed that I was lost. There was nobody at all I could tell things to, or share with, and the first day I saw you I knew I could never leave."

What's the most important thing about the quote which follows?  It's that I didn't really have a complete understanding of things in May of 2013.  There is no need to read this quote, it adds nothing it merely shows I had no idea what I was talking about in a larger sense in 2013.  Essentially nothing in it is right.

May 23, 2013: 4 of (3) weapons of creation-How to convert T space to God space-question of the day

The question of weaponizing space conversion is the question of nuclear war on steroids. Before discussing this in detail, it is good to remember Truman's quote on nuclear weapons-they are designed to kill populations, not armies. This is the experiment that should be considered carefully.

Unlike the violent Sting universe, if you get ahold of G-space and you figure out how to ignite it (release time) you can get all the anti-gravity and T-space (o-space) you want because all the g-space is in one place (even though you get it spread out in time which I've explained as promised previously to the extent you haven't already figured it out.

(2) of (2) weapons of creation-How to convert T space to God space-question of the day

So you want to convert a little of the old T-space back to G-space and then back again just to see how easy it is? Maybe make an anti-gravity device? This is all pretty easy since all you have to do is burn a little of that time off of G-Space and you can blow the whole universe apart. If you accept the gravity equation where time goes to zero as gravity goes to infinity, all you have to do is compress enough matter together so it starts to absorb time (i.e. make a singularity or approach one). Here's the kicker, it should be possible to get really, really close to a singularity and then undo it at the last minute. You start to absorb time, then reverse it and release the time.

In this way, since you are can also generate space/matter you should be in a position to create gravity or anti-gravity.

While this sounds like science fiction, it actually happens often enough on a large scale that we should be able to test it conceptually. You need an exterior measure of time that is affected. You'd have to be able to observe it from space. You'd also need the energy from nearby energy and gravity sources that you could time against one another so you could look for tell-tale aberrations in time.

The event I refer to would be the shrinking of of a star as it burns all it's fuel followed by the explosion immediately afterward. The closer the star is to collapsing as a neutron start before the explosion, the easier it would be to get to the right spot to observe this time fluxuation.

This type of event should, with the right star, get you pretty close to time absorption followed by the release of time and gravity.

Now travel faster than the speed of light? That is part 5 of 3 and requires a comment from one physicist from each of twenty countries.  Soon we will reach a temporary stopping point while the blogs to date on this issue are consolidated.

33 days to next deadline! apocalypto 381 Quite Groundbreaking

I went down for a few days with the brain tumor thing.

I am neither better nor worse, but I figured I would pick this up because it has been a while.

The promise of prior days did not materialize so there was a great deal of failure in the last few days.

If I have been dealt a serious setback, undeserved in absolute terms, I did not have the luxury of stopping so I did what I could and picked up where I left off.

And the setback included this, independently and unsolicited:

“This could be an intriguing demonstration of the AuT model , Fractal Mathematics at the atomic scale and thus quite groundbreaking...”

Someone looked past the place where the science was a year ago and saw something "quite groundbreaking," and it is a rare independent recognition of what I have done, however poorly the presentation was received in absolute terms.

Two days ago I swam, the second hard swim in a row, then yesterday a minimal bike ride to the office and back and today a long walk in a warm sun, then the same bike ride.

I am moving on as best I can.  Can I say that you abandoned me when I needed you now?  I suppose the answer is no.

These countdowns, however inaccurate, allow me to see the passage of time, to exist in a place which is a little more real.  Just over a month to the next deadline is what this means, but also we are well into January since this is in February 15, 2021.  Indeed in 5 days we will have a new president, one way or another, a democratic house and senate for the first time in over a decade.

A lot is changing and it goes beyond me.  But I am looking at these changes which will allow the possibility that the dam holding back information will break and a second potential will occur.

I will figure out how to get past this artificial barrier that has been thrown up against me.  The company that has raised 190 million dollars that has no idea what is going on is my competition and that means it is no competition at all, except for the hearts and minds of those too weak to look for the truth.

But where was I?

I weighed for the first time in a while 3 days ago, still stuck at 176, but happily no worse than that, since even after a light lunch and a hard swim I was pretty bloated yesterday.  I am not happy about that extra pound; but I am relieved it wasn't worse and I do not feel bloated now even if I don't feel well.

This may be the last post from May of 2013, I'm under 350 unpublished posts for now.

5/22/13 the lost years-a fathers love

young work and old work
that is one thing I remember
my father sitting before the television his books in hand
his insistence that we work, starting at the age of 12 for me, 13 for my brother.

That takes me back a long, long time.  To another world, a lonely and uncertain and disturbing world; but one that led me to the world where I sit today as the sun fades and the cold comes back.

36 days to next deadline! apocalypto 378 going too fast and trading too quickly

It is interesting to see how things can be recycled from one decade to the next.

I rushed out of the office, too fast I am afraid; for while I was safe, I was not as safe as I could have been.

It was possible to swim 1800 yards, 1000 im and 800 warm up, at least I think it was 1800.  It could have been 700; I was swimming fast the whole time, perhaps not enough warm up, certainly not enough warm down.  I cut out one lap of breast stroke too because I ran out of time and thought it was better to get some sort of warm down rather than none.  I ran off without putting my sandals on so I could at least rinse off and had to go back and get them which, fortunately, was not a problem.

But then I was distracted by you today and drank too much coffee and a little tea at lunch and my adrenaline levels are still all out of whack.  I can only hope the blood from the swim eventually spreads out and brings thing down a bit or that I otherwise crash so I get some sleep tonight.

You see thinking about you keeps me alive and kills me at the same time, i cannot expect you to understand.

I worked out a couple of problem, the idea of steadily compressing to create orbits; but the question becomes are the inner electrons captured within the folds?  I think that is likely.

I made some headway into the next small grouping, although there are more questions than answers.

No response to my angry letter.

You have to understand that this is about you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6vwrxDc3TA as is this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xXXIPRZ1Nw and this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xXXIPRZ1Nw and conceivably everything else, everything seems to be designed around you, about you.  I have nothing to say about this philosophically or otherwise, it is what it is as everyone keeps saying, a tautology for the ages.

Anyway, I was talking about recycling decades and this is the post from long ago that is just as relevant today as when it was written I suppose.

The last 5/13/13 post: trading and killing friendship for love

I saw the movie the Great Gatsby.
It spoke to me.
I'm not saying it was the greatest movie ever.
But it was well cast and the story had meaning.

37 days to next deadline! apocalypto 377 Empty victories

Swam 1700 yards today, shortened the warmup to 500 so I could do the cardio portion without being in the pool the extra 10 minutes yesterday.

Covid, being rampant and the number of people being surprisingly large considering how cold it is convinced me to err on the side of a shorter workout and it was tough anyway.

Another friend of mine got covid last week.

My stomach feels better today.

I finally got rid of the immediate deadlines, I now have a 37 day window, not that there are not other deadlines in the interim.

I am frustrated because I am being sidelined unfairly.  Believe it is as unfair as it can be.  Today it got to be a little too much for me so I had to say something; but its unlikely to help much.  I'm in a terrible economic pinch and I don't see things getting better soon enough unless I take chances which I'm not likely to take.  It won't eliminate next steps; but it will certainly reduce them.  Things could still change, I just don't see it happening in time and not with what's out there.

Then, of course, there is the outright corruption, I've taken concrete steps on that also, nothing I can write about.

I'm sleeping terribly.  up at 2 this morning for over an hour, then slept till 6.  It's only 645 and I'd like to go to sleep right now.  Best not too, even though my eyes hurt and I could go to sleep.  Have to consider the depression angle of all of this, not let it get away from me.

There are several posts from 5/13/13 so its time to get rid of them.

5/13/13

Solve the secrets of the universe

the fundamental nature of matter

solve your financial problems

give everything you have to others

if you don't have love

it will mean nothing

 

life has little meaning to projections

that thrive on the need for someone

and all the victories ring hollow

when you turn over at night

and the one you reach for

is no longer there

 

We must be obsessed

with love and longings

when the only true vacuum

is in the heart

that has lost love

and filled with longings

 

 

3, 5 apocalypto 374-5

A long day.  Thankfully, managed to get the hard work of the week done yesterday.

I have started a new countdown.  My old countdown ended up counting down to the counting of the electoral college vote.

You laughed, but I laughed last.

Didn't expect that did you?  Well, I think everyone expected it to some extent.  What weird news.

I have not spent much time talking about my brain tumor or my coffee intake.

Indeed, I'm worried enough about my weight that I haven't even been looking at that myself.

I have drank too much coffee over the past days and my stomach is in terrible shape and my brain problems have not been exponentially bad, not good either.

Today I was at a funeral, it was freezing and cloudy and went on and on, standing in the cold wind, many elderly people; but it was a good funeral.  Afterwards I felt terrible.

Two days in a row leading up to today I did nothing but a few weights and walking.  Today, however, despite the time outside, despite feeling bad, despite the cold I swam.  Managed, to my great surprise, to do 2200 yards, 1100 IM, although the last 300 were not very pretty, but they were not particularly ugly either.  

I'm ready to go to sleep; but it is too frigging early to think about that.

My stomach hurts.  I am eating tums like crazy.  I hope things aren't worse than they seem.

Another friend of mine has covid; I'm not around anyone much.

It is the next day.  Today was just a short bike ride, much shorter than normal, but it was really cold; post hole starting to dig out a concrete embedded post.

I saw your note around the same time I was doing something that might be considered a little gross, but not really.  It's the kind of thing I wouldn't tell you.  Maybe the second day of our honeymoon.  Wouldn't ruin it on the first day, but the second day...well it would be too late for you not to look for some reason to find it not so gross.  And maybe we could make love and you could try to forget you heard it.  Make you wonder doesn't it?  Well, plan to keep wondering.

I will wait to respond to that note because it was a long time in coming so a response can be equally long.  I am engaged in a weekend of schadenfreude, but it is tempered; I'd like to be enjoying it with you, if you don't mind me saying. 

I'm reading a book just to read it; the first time in a long time.  it is about someone unstuck in time and I completely feel a part of that book.  I went through a mental breakdown over a period of years, then became a theoretical physicist; very different lives.  Also, there is a lot of swimming in it; I am doing a lot of swimming.

This is another post, from May 13, 2013; it seems to be a time like now in some ways, without the schadenfreude; without the same promises of the future, but with something crucial missing which overshadows everything else.

 

5/13/13  Alone surrounded by people

Is it possible to be alone
when you are surrounded
Test love against time
against all takers
those things which reject love
let it be killed
by neglect
by disbelief
by difficulty
by absence
in every way of the non-believer
and after all those are past
if it still lives
to be able to
write poetry to a lover

day 0, 5 apocalypto 372

5 am, I have been up for an hour.

The last of the elections sort of ended last night except for the counting which continues.

Yesterday I surprised myself.  Forced to get out of the house and to exhaust these emotions which will not let me sleep, this sense of useless regrets and longing, i went to the gym and got there at 5 pm, right when they reopened after between session cleaning and swam 2200 yards, 1200 im; there was nothing fast or impressive in it; but I did it and feel better for it; considering the alternative which was either yoga again or nothing.

I had found a 40 minute yoga workout I planned to do; perhaps today.

I find a lot of posts I prefer to ones like this; but at times like this where i am restless and uncertain about the future; where nothing seems to be going right, it is easiest to just take whatever comes next and deal with it.

Well today turned into a weird day.  There was a metaphorical burning down of the Reichstag.  I predicted this in an earlier post, btw; at least on facebook.  It eclipsed the democratic majority sea change in congress.

The president of the united states had his social media shut down.  I actually wanted to hear a speech by the majority leader of the Senate.

All of that was a bit overwhelming, and a cousin of mine blew her brains out with a gun.

I didn't do anything but a walk and some weights today; but its been a weird day.

Interestingly, the post from 5/10/13 was entitled: "why is good and evil implicit in e-hologram theory," and today was a day full of good and evil.

There is a lot more to say, perhaps I will edit this post later, but its been a strange day and tomorrow will be a very busy day.

5/10/13

not only must a good physical model come from theory, but an explanation on the human level is important.
evolution and human conduct must have some foundation in fundamental particle theory (See the foundation series by Issac Asimov for a fictional treatment).

day 3-1, 8-6 apocalypto 371 fractals vs fields and a short, uneventful trip back to 5/7/13

I built a fire to ward off the cold and loneliness, at least it is not as cold.

I got a large bottle of bourbon as a business gift this year.  Perhaps I should turn to alcoholism.  It is not my way, but I am interested in taking a drink if things work out.

I spent the morning looking at a post that had broken off.  It's set in concrete, that's helpful.  I put a bolt into it but the longest bold I found does give enough purchase to tests it.  I don't plan on buying a bigger bold, I'll either find another one or work on something else.  The easy solution is to dig post holes on either side and if I cannot rock it out at that point in time, I just drop in two posts instead of the one.

I have added an electric guitar and a classical guitar in my music room.  I need to start taking more time to play music.  There is always so much for me to do. 

I remain in a place which should help with the music; but perhaps it will be muted over time, be replaced, not as easy for me, replacement is not really a thing for me; my memory or programming is too permanent; I am a solid state circuit.  Perhaps, you are more of a vacuum tube; a beautiful glow when it is operating, but essentially nothing filled with hard stuff.  Don't get upset with the metaphors, they are driven by frustration, not reality.

I managed to do a full 2050 yard swim with 1050 in IM; not my best effort; but given the work I did earlier and everything else, I feel like I did what I could; not the least of which is a level of disgust in the way things are going with me which would create a deep depression if I did not have so much that prevents me from letting that happen.

I am as tired of daydreams as a person can get.

It's two days after I started this post.  Yesterday I did nothing but walk, whether I'll do anything today remains to be seen and it remains to be seen what, if anything I write from here.

5/7/2013

This post only had a title, what a waste!

Evolution and Progress-paradox

So rather than disappoint, I'm going "back to the present" and I'll discuss some theory.

You can read whatever you want to into that heading, I am sure there is a lot that I thought of unpacking there, but saved till now.

Instead, I will talk about something that can be unpacked, space time field equations vrs AuT fractal mathematics.

Spacetime is described by Einstein's Field Equations.

Image from LOG#105. Einstein’s equations.

gμν$g_{\mu \nu }$ is the metric tensor that describes how distances and angles are measured in spacetime.

AuT-tensors are combinations of distances and angles, to replace these we have orders of solutions, relationships between the solutions and the solutions themselves, positive or negative for a quantum point; but summed up for the points over any number of quantum points.  In AuT the terms T and C lose their meaning, pi is fixed for any matrix and g is repaced by these sums.

Tμν$T_{\mu \nu }$ is the stress-energy-momentum tensor that is the source of gravitational fields; mass is one part of it.

Again energy does not exist in AuT in quantum states, nor does mass as such, but merely as a level of organization, referred to as compression between states of information.

Since these vary in spacetime we often say that it is like a fabric that bends.

This varying of tensors is actually important for us in AuT because it is proof that the underlying iterated equations are changing, the source of the fractals we experience.