3, 5 apocalypto 374-5

A long day.  Thankfully, managed to get the hard work of the week done yesterday.

I have started a new countdown.  My old countdown ended up counting down to the counting of the electoral college vote.

You laughed, but I laughed last.

Didn't expect that did you?  Well, I think everyone expected it to some extent.  What weird news.

I have not spent much time talking about my brain tumor or my coffee intake.

Indeed, I'm worried enough about my weight that I haven't even been looking at that myself.

I have drank too much coffee over the past days and my stomach is in terrible shape and my brain problems have not been exponentially bad, not good either.

Today I was at a funeral, it was freezing and cloudy and went on and on, standing in the cold wind, many elderly people; but it was a good funeral.  Afterwards I felt terrible.

Two days in a row leading up to today I did nothing but a few weights and walking.  Today, however, despite the time outside, despite feeling bad, despite the cold I swam.  Managed, to my great surprise, to do 2200 yards, 1100 IM, although the last 300 were not very pretty, but they were not particularly ugly either.  

I'm ready to go to sleep; but it is too frigging early to think about that.

My stomach hurts.  I am eating tums like crazy.  I hope things aren't worse than they seem.

Another friend of mine has covid; I'm not around anyone much.

It is the next day.  Today was just a short bike ride, much shorter than normal, but it was really cold; post hole starting to dig out a concrete embedded post.

I saw your note around the same time I was doing something that might be considered a little gross, but not really.  It's the kind of thing I wouldn't tell you.  Maybe the second day of our honeymoon.  Wouldn't ruin it on the first day, but the second day...well it would be too late for you not to look for some reason to find it not so gross.  And maybe we could make love and you could try to forget you heard it.  Make you wonder doesn't it?  Well, plan to keep wondering.

I will wait to respond to that note because it was a long time in coming so a response can be equally long.  I am engaged in a weekend of schadenfreude, but it is tempered; I'd like to be enjoying it with you, if you don't mind me saying. 

I'm reading a book just to read it; the first time in a long time.  it is about someone unstuck in time and I completely feel a part of that book.  I went through a mental breakdown over a period of years, then became a theoretical physicist; very different lives.  Also, there is a lot of swimming in it; I am doing a lot of swimming.

This is another post, from May 13, 2013; it seems to be a time like now in some ways, without the schadenfreude; without the same promises of the future, but with something crucial missing which overshadows everything else.

 

5/13/13  Alone surrounded by people

Is it possible to be alone
when you are surrounded
Test love against time
against all takers
those things which reject love
let it be killed
by neglect
by disbelief
by difficulty
by absence
in every way of the non-believer
and after all those are past
if it still lives
to be able to
write poetry to a lover