There is no bottom

I was really low yesterday, the level of personal and professional frustration is hard to put in context.

I swam 1700 yards, hard, 1000 im, the 5 200s no 400s but still hard and I felt better afterwards.

today was worse.

Its a good thing to look into the mirror, it isn't always pretty.

A passionate fight is just a way to package passion and that makes it all the worse, because the love is there, along with the self loathing and regret.  The more passionate the fight, the more horrible it is to be forced to acknowledge the love.

I can live with my self loathing and regret because I have seen the bottom; but I don't know how to live giving that to someone else.  But that doesn't mean there is no original sin.

Its interesting what the mind dredges up when things get horrible, it is like there is a place where all the horrible memories are stored, a child seeing his mother die and his whole life upended.  It sounds like the bottom but it isn't.

When I was young, long before I was old enough to control my own life, I was put on an eviction crew.  Have you ever wondered what happens to people who are evicted, but don't move?  A crew of people show up with the sheriff and they carry the person's possessions outside and put them on the street and all the children's tears and anger and sadness have no effect on the process.  At the end of, someone, it was never me, padlocks the door.

So I have done something worse than whatever else I've ever done, even though it was not in nature to control my life as a child.  Perhaps there is a hell and this is it.  

So where is the bottom?  It is bringing someone you love to hell with you.  That's when you realize there is no bottom.

This is also all wrong, but there is a rightness to it, because time is at least potentially subject to control after a fashion, not change but time.  It is, however, a shame that this post is nonsense overall.

may 25, 2013the secret to apparent faster than light travel

Alas, the secret is neither new, nor particularly secret.
Since dimension is an illusion, one need only change time in order to move at any speed, instantaneous (apparent).
We know this type of time or this aspect of time if you would is within our control because we move freely (albeit at a slow pace) using mechanical, newtonian physics.
Einstein was correct in as far as he took this.  By truth or to mislead later men, he held fiercely to space, thereby limiting himself.  This is entirely reasonable given his limited exposure to projection.  Most of us, if not all of us, are constrained to imagine that space is an illusion, but this is what e-hologram theory suggests, it is intuitive (at least at black holes), and it is entirely consistent with Einsteins theory of events, now repeated so often I will not repeat it again.
This means that we observe in the real universe time being removed from matter at which point the time stops relative to time outside of the gravity or velocity and it being returned without a loss of coordinates in space.  This "locational memory" of time, at least when not completely stripped from a tendency give space the illusion of fabric (space time) but it is a function of awareness or time since it can be removed and take you completely out of space.  The corollary, of course, is that if you can exchange time with one set of tendencies with another set, you can move anywhere you want in the universe instantly.