The cheap, stupid country

 I was not up for it, but I swam anyway, 2100 yards with the full im.  I was able to sleep, till 2am, it is 3am as I sit here and write this.  I am tired, but there is no use trying to sleep.

Despite the exercise (riding, weight lifting, mostly swimming) and watching my eating, sticking with half of my lunch on many occasions, like yesterday; I hover at 175, sometimes a pound less; but not going down to 170 or up.  There is muscle definition born or anxiety, exercise so that I can sleep for a few hours every night.

This country is so cheap and entrenched in outdated nonsense they won’t fund  work that will save everyone, that the reviewers admit is revolutionary.  Revolting. I can live with that because I’ll get some satisfaction when the volcano erupts, the failure of the earth's magnetic field, etc; satisfaction tempered with terror, of course.

The day is well underway.

Today I exhausted myself with a ride, weights and a ride home.  It was almost too much and then you wrote and it was too much.  But I am tired, I am busy, and if I slept two of the last 4 nights for at least most of the time, then I have something to be thankful for.

I had to rest after the ride, then I had to clean the house, mostly outside in the heat, pounds of spiders and spider eggs, I cannot believe that I have not been overrun by them.  The pollen collected into thick clusters and even after going over everything multiple times there was still a layer of now hardened pollen.  It is like being in a haunted house, abandoned for decades; which is slightly better than it was when I started.  There are a lot of angry spiders out there.

And then there is you.

I started writing again.  Not very much; but if I go into the desert as i am planning to go; I need to take a project with me other than the physics which has given so much and taken even more.  Like you in some ways, who have taken so little and given so much.  And yet what you have taken seems like more; but I digress, there is much to do to make the future work, more than I have time to do, more than I can afford to do and it remains less likely that the results will be what I had hoped for despite everything to the contrary.  The world funds renting private swimming pools, not world changing, world saving science.  I am surrounded by idiots and one by one the people I rely on to help me escape disappear.