Writing to no one

I cannot keep writing to you
So I have to write here
Every time every finished line
The next one is in my head
Screaming to get out
I wish I could so easily
Go from love to blame
Hate time hate you
Instead I have only me to hate
I cannot stop waiting
Nor can I stop wanting
You will accuse me
But not of crossing my line
Of not crossing yours
When you need me most
I am not there
And when I needed you
You risked everything for me
So how can you not
How can I not
Question me
And yet I think I know
My feelings and heart
The answer lies in jumping
Not in judging the distance
So you are right
And you are wrong
And you should know
Especially with life
That it is hard to jump
And impossible to ask
You wait till I do
Risk life and love
By not jumping
By not waiting