test me

Summer has arrived, the mad river is flowing again without a sheet of ice and 4 days seem like 4 years. I wondered if this sense of being lost is shared or just a sense i have, perhaps connected to the inner ear thimg.  I have a few questions and a few answers but everything turns on what I do or don't do next.  It has been difficult to get to the mountains of work ahead and becomingmore urgent by the minute. Im getting no response or help from every one i hoped to hear from.

What waits tomorrow?

Nature is ultimately deterministic.  God does not play dice with the universe.

 quantum theory is at best an ineffective theory.  A more fundamental, deterministic theory of everything exists.

That's a lot of speculation turning into a statement. 

Here is where things were in August of 2013.  It easily could have been how things stood today.

8/7/13

you didn't need to test me
to let me know your special
you did not need to have others
attest to your many talents
for me to be aware of them
nor flaunt your lovers
past, present and future
for me to know you are desirable
you did not need to swim before me
for me to know you were sensual
nor make love to me
for me to know I love you
you didn't need to threaten me
directly or indirectly
to let me know there was something to lose
but you did all of these things
you provoked me with them
whether by accident or design
you told me you would withdraw
if you were of a mind to do it
and you didn't have to disappear
suddenly and without notice
to make me miss you
You decide when to be there
and when to go
and for how long each time
so if I take your advice
that you give to yourself
and leave you
does it mean i love you too much
or that i don't love you at all