What is right

174.6

Had my first real swim since being vaccinated today.  The first swim afterwards hurt terribly because my arm hurt so bad.  That was a very weird swim which felt impossible because I could not raise my arm, but somehow I swam anyway and today I did 2200 yards with 1200 im, although there was so little that I expected and I never felt that I had gotten in the groove of swimming, I never did.

I'm not sure what happened this week, it flew away in a most unpleasant way, the stress of events getting worse and worse.  Its not a matter of bad news, although there is some of that, it is more a matter of a lack of good news.

Today, the food I ate disagreed with me, I walked and it was better.  My stomach churned so much that had I been swimming already instead of walking, it would have turned the pool into seltzer.  You don't want to hear that.

After the swim I felt better, but still not good.

I did not get as much done as I hoped today, really almost nothing was done although the work progressed after a fashion and I should be able to wait, but I cannot because the time does not exist for me to wait.  There is a constant need for things to be done, money to be spent that isn't there yet.

May, that is when I'm supposed to hear something next.  Two months is a long time to wait.  And I don't know what I am waiting for, it might be nothing or it might be something and if something it might be good or bad.  It can only be so so good, but it could be very bad.  So I can't just wait.

I'm not sure what to do next but there is no shortage of things to do.  I need to figure out which of them to do and in what order.  The how is as complicated as the what.  That is how complicated everything is, how maddening it is.  How pressing it is, will it come too late for me, too late for you, too late for everyone?

This is a look at the past, back to June of 2013...what was I thinking?

June 30, 2013

It is right you should be
The last lover
The last one I love
It is right to hide
What I am
What I feel
Wrong to capture it
A photograph of loss
Sadness and regret
No-one wants to read it
Hope for the future
Share the past
It is selfish not to hold it
Nor sharing my feelings
With only death to read it