How I wish I could share with you the most recent advances in molecular design.
But I cannot.
The advances are coming too fast for me to keep up as I look towards applications.
I am exhausted and alone in this endeavor, although aid is out there if I can get assistance.
NASA has come out with their solicitation and even a preliminary glance shows several places where this work is applicable.
Sleep, I had one good night's sleep. I made everything dark, even hid my clock and woke early, but not too early. I then suffered from the dizziness of the inner ear thing which made for a great deal of nausea today despite some important calls, none of which will immediately yield any results, but which increase the future resources should things come together.
I suppose things are supposed to be better now. The truth is that I am still too numb of things to feel the pain that is lurking in there. I am terrified that all the things that can go wrong will and my anxiety will grow worse. Already I have opportunities which I expect to come through which I can hardly take advantage of because of the cost.
I have several patents to file, fortunately none of them at a high cost, but the next deadline of the 24th is untenable at present which means I would have till January 3 of next year. Baring the unexpected, I plan to wait for that deadline.
These are all money and time issues, but they have numbed much of my emotions, fear is a great antidote to love. I should not be afraid, of course, things are not at all dire except for the high end of things. I have options that I have not explored, but I have also dedicated the next 12 months to this project which is certain of science; uncertain of funding. I have other irons in the fire, but I do not know where they stand or how hot they will end up being. I am waiting to see if the corruption makes room for answers, or truth.
I know there is pain lurking around me. My stomach hurts. Not so bad at this moment. I swam 2000 yards, did all the butterfly in a workout of that length and I feel a drowsiness coming over me, wanting to lower the level of the stress. I was too tired, too afraid of getting sick (that fear word again) to swim; but I knew the alternative would be worse. At least I will eventually sleep for a few hours tonight and a few hours is enough and leaves me sick, but numb.
Come back to me, this cannot be better; but maybe it is better. For now, maybe forever. I was not meant to be happy or content.
This is a pretty old unfinished post which contains the following article. It is bull-s-t. I know because they are talking about standard model particles that do not exist under my model and therefore are nonsense. I wonder what I was saving this article for, to show things are dumb? To express my anger and frustration?
I will pick out a paragraph and show you the crap i have to deal with:
The Standard Model of physics has dominated scientists' understanding of the universe for more than half a century. It amounts to a list of particles that, together, go a long way toward explaining how matter and energy interact in the cosmos.
(This is total crap. Yes the SM dominates the weak of mind, what do they call it? Cognitive dissonance. It is the belief in bull even when someone show the truth).
Some of these particles, like quarks and electrons, are pretty easy to imagine: They're the building blocks of the atoms that make up everything we'll ever touch with our hands.
(Beware of Quantum Duck, quark quark. while others have envisioned electrons as cloudlike in effect, only aut defines them as actual clouds, fractal equivalents in every way of the arms of the galaxy. And they are made of the smaller things, right down to space.)
Others, like the three known neutrinos, are more abstract: They're high-energy particles that stream through the universe, barely interacting with other matter. Billions of neutrinos from the sun pass through the tip of your finger every second, but they're overwhelmingly unlikely to have any impact on the particles of your body.
(Bull in a way, not in another. Neutrinos as such are a figment, but anti-gravity, the three states of space and the lesser states of ct3-ct4 transitions are similar in concept to this, although again there is no reason to speak of them in this way.)
The truth is out there, as they say in the X-files:
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