last sentence Deadlines met and deadlines ignored

Two days ago I swam 2000 yards, much more than I intended; but not a very impressive workout.  It was cold and for the first 1000 yards I was alone before the pool filled up at the end.

I am targeting things that need to be done, there is a great deal of this.

I am also thinking things that are irrelevant.  Here's an example:  "In 10,000 years if anyone is around, they will mine our garbage dumps for precious metals."

Yesterday I went for a medium length bike ride, not down to the river, perhaps half that distance and I did not let the traffic bother with my directions on the way back which would have lengthened the ride too much.  And then I went on a long walk with you which was not as satisfying as I wanted it to be.

I am obsessed with the decisions I have made, the time I have to do things that need to be done and the fears that things will not turn out the way that I expect and that things I believe are real are somehow illusions.  I have an inner ear problem that makes me hallucinate, how can I be sure it isn't a worse problem than I could possibly imagine, or perhaps that it is the very problem I do imagine.

And even if I am not crazy, time is running out and I don't know how to address it.

I woke up at 300 and at 330 had had no success in going back to sleep so I got up at 4 and built a fire and took turns doing some little bits of work and finishing the book which with younger, better eyes I would have finished in a few days, a little over a month, perhaps, after I started it.

I saw a news story on children losing sleep over stress in this time of plague and I think to myself how hard it must be to watch this happen; but it is certainly happening all around us and will for some time to come.  I heard over 500,000 people had died in the USA, certainly the vast majority due to the incompetence of the initial management which should not rest on any one person's shoulders but probably does more so of some than others and certainly reflects a case of moral leadership failure which is right up there with anyone else who was incompetent in the face of a looming disaster.  

It is much later now, but still early in the morning and I am not sure what to do next.

8 years ago here is what I was thinking.  I try to make sense of this, but even my references to age don't make sense to me nor are they accurate except is some poetic sense.

6/22/13

One of the critical elements of the e-hologram universe may turn on the issue of infinite series (as opposed to finite series).http://www.cnn.com/2013/06/21/opinion/obeidallah-death-regret/index.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+rss%2Fcnn_topstories+%28RSS%3A+Top+Stories%29
Recently, I was given two opportunities which show this in real life and those will be discussed shortly.  First a review of the importance of infinite series in e-hologram theory.
Infinite series are taken for granted, but they provide conundrums about our world and our universe that give credence to traditional hologram or e-hologram as more than a fun concept.  In particular, they support circular arguments that give rise to intelligence spawning time and defining light speed even though conceptually intelligence cannot exist without time, but more on that later.
Let me mention for the record, that I have been gone for many, many reasons, but one which may be of interest, is that I am working on the draft book on e-hologram theory.  Don't worry, I will not give away faster than light travel, much as I would like to, unless the contest rules are satisfied or I change my mind noting that all of the conceptual frameworks are set out in prior blog entries and will be developed in more detail in the book.  and yes you are also the reason the infinite series of my personal life and the universe dropping a truck on me so i look even more like a turtle than i did before or perhaps turtles look like me.
Infinite series are things which show the  size of the universe as a fiction.  examples are trying to cross a road to the far curb by going half the distance each step or the inverse of doubling the distance you travel going back and forth on the street starting 3/4(s) of the way across (you end up crossing, but never stopping at far side).  The latter of the parenthetical is exponential growth if you move constantly doubling your initial step.
22/7 is another infinite series (Pi) which defines the circle and gives rise to a strong conceptual argument that circular arguments for the origin of the universe make sense.  the three dimensional equivalent, pi integrated for an infinite set of loops defining a sphere (interestingly there are two equivalent alternatives (stacking spheres of infinitely small to desired radius circles and then going down in size again and defining an infinite number af circles around the compass offset and adjacent to each other giving rise to an important relationship that has to wait for discussion...think about it).
In fact, as we go further and further back into creation, we also end up at an infinite series, for example: we are the spawn of god's universe, but where did god come from.  Another example would be we come from a hologram projection from a singularity using time to create dimensions but where did time and the singularity come from, and answering that, where does the rest of that come from?  This allows for the ultimate circular argument possible in ehologram theory (a "we are because we think" argument which is not satisfying but is helpful defining time and lightspeed.
Having covered this issue in review, let's move on.
I was lucky enough to be able to listen to a commencement address by Mickail Barishnakov.  In a very well conceived address (very modestly presented while still being impressive) he mentioned the importance of being better than you were the day before and not worrying about being the best.  The best, he pointed out, was just a label.  Being the best is terminal. Being better is an infinite series.  It is intriguing and helpful.
There was more which I will cover if my fading intelligence allows.
he also spent a time discussing how important art in many forms was in defining his ongoin relationship with the world quoting someone else in stating the importance of not being finished and it made me think of my and our shared art project which will continue but never be finished which is another story.
The other item was a quote How old would you be if you did not know hold old you are?  Perhaps this is an important question since it defines us by what we should be and not what we are and with my you, i am in my 20's and without you i am a withered corpse, 1000 years desicated as if you embodied youth and life.