A list of my illnesses is beyond the scope of this blog
But some in the list are note-worthy
From a purely medical perspective
Since I will either die or dissipate as a result
Of course my heart is broken
But lots of people have broken hearts
Some even get replacement hearts from someone else
but I'll stick with mine, it carries me long distances
against improbable odds even in summer heat
More noteably, I suffer from the Kurt Vonnegut disease
I am unstuck in time
Now my case seems to be less severe
because I seem to be unstuck within about a year
whereas he was unstuck over an entire lifetime
past and present which is supported by e-hologram theory
at least I would theorize that it is
I am also losing touch with reality
which is probably the result of the first two
perhaps the time problem is a result of the first
all my problems seem to be associated with love
which will kill me, as surely as any other illness
death by love my tombstone should read
but my disease is a constant thing
whether it is real or imagined
whether it was thirty years ago or today
so it is much better than whatever you have
you should be embarrassed not to have it
and since everything else in my life seems be coming undone
There is a lot of nausea associated with the loss of reality
There is a certain amount of uncertainty
Because there are things which did not really happen
Or perhaps they were dreams
and the nausea that went with certain events
seems to cloud them further
I believe eventually I will lose my ability to distinguish
what has happened and what I think has happened
everything will assume the quality of a vague recollection
not perfectly remembered but somehow enhanced
by the psychedelic nature of the non-memories
which are fleeting like dreams and just as capable
of being completely divorced from the possible
One of many things that keeps them separate
the real and the imagined and the dreams
yet somehow my memories of love are constant
though the one constant thing in my life
is only constant to me
which has to be enough
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