the ungifted

I struggled through 3000 yards.
Its not that I haven't been exercising
I have been crazy active
but this is the first 3000 this week
and only 2700 yards the last
I was struck today by the ear disease
and sleep is some word in a dictionary
poorly understood with no frame of reference
Things seem somehow different now
So much more alone
clinging to vision, yet sightless
the world distracted by clouds of dots
there is a weakness behind the power
and the length of my exertions
the greek warrior princess, far past her prime
dying of long healed wounds
I reach out to the image and its vanishes
there some are so many gifted people
i really want to spend my time with gifted people
The way it used to be
alas to do that you must be gifted
my gifts have all turned on me
There are so many ways to be gifted
I want all of them, selfish, jealous
Music, creativity, success, cleverness
I have brushed against them all
none of them rubbed off on me
all merely too thin layers of my flesh
worn holes in my cornea and self esteem
And yet there is a side of me
that wants to go somewhere quiet
Where I can spend whats left to me
alone with my thoughts
and perhaps the two are not mutually exclusive
Perhaps the key to sharing time with the gifted
is not caring about what your are
or who you are with
but being the best you can be there
My mind has been racing,
obsessed with the changes
and yet I am reading an ancient book
about the fall of the rome
and the rise of man against the sea
there is so much to say,
so much to write
to preserve for no one
to explain to you
there is so much to do,
so many requirements of my time
and I have spent two weeks away
and everyone wants part of my time today
I'll travel to my meetings
I'll take my calls
I will try to figure out how to handle
all these conflicting needs
and wonder what those with the gifts
to go through life with elegance
together with the the other gifted
will be doing today instead