my road to virtue and back Chapter 13-before dispair

This is a confusing post.  I wouldn't read it till its edited if I were you, but I'm not you.
I have to eat what you might call a "purge" diet because I at so badly today.  That translate in this case to apple and banana slices with water.  This was my resolution as that horrible food was churning in my stomach as I swam a desultory 2500 yards.
I have had a hiatus from swimming, so I was happy to get that far and still have some energy left over.  Once started I forced myself to finish, so part of this post will be on not quitting.  Quitting is causing a lot of these problems.  Trying to find peace is different from quitting.  I am experimenting with finding the soul which I will discuss in some details in the coming posts, for better or worse many of my notes were left behind.  But I have learned a lot about accepting a situation UNTIL it can be changed, not quitting.  That doesn't rule out exploring alternatives, pursuing alternatives, but that is not quitting.  But I've said quitting too much, probably giving the wrong impression.  I am not sure that pursuit of the soul, for example, requires sinking with a ship, but this ship is not completely without buoyancy.
This is the detour.
I'm not comfortable with delay, but it has to do with the present being part with the past and that is true even of the future.  It is a given that you can't change the past, that doesn't have to be resaid a thousand times, but if it is, no significant loss results.
Part of not abandoning the ship, is dealing with conflict.  Conflict, one must assume, is not something to soul would be comfortable.
This is not an area where rules I understand apply, but apparently their are some fairly simple rules for getting in touch with your soul.  Getting rid of conflicts seems to be in order, but I'm not sure if I really care.
Maybe a list of possible conflicts are in order.
Conflicts in goals.
conflicts in desires
conflicts of interest
conflicts in choices.   The conflict between love and duty.
Getting in touch with the soul doesn't mean dealing with conflict, directly.  IT involves being honest, with yourself first, with everyone else afterwards.
And what is love.  Jacki Kennedy said “The first time, you marry for love; the second, for money; and the third, for companionship.”   How'd you like to be her third husband?  Not that there is a problem with companionship, that's perhaps one of the most important things.
That's one of the things from my notes, to determine what you want from relationships.  But did that have to do with figuring out how to get in touch with my soul or did that have to do with leadership.
Perhaps conflicts of what you need are in order.  Food and shelter, a feeling of safety, a feeling of accomplishment, spiritual fulfillment.
That's part of the soul and leadership apparently.  It all runs together, maybe I should listen to things twice.  But the conflict part, that was really there.  Conflict resolution is about fulfilling the needs.  Safety and security, I went to the red cross and helped them know where to send people who called them in need of heat and shelter.  Yeah, that was me providing safety and security, felt good.  So what does a leader do to those who need this, (1) bring the fears into the open, explain the need not to be afraid and share the strength of the strong with the weak.  That's leadership.
Success-feelings of inadequacy, reinforce the victories, envision the possibilities.
To  cooperate, what kind of need is that?  Jealousy is one of the bad things that prevents it.  Sharing emotions, sharing vision, there must be more to it that that.
The need to nurture and be nurtured.  Ah, there's the rub.  That's the one we should deal with.  And how do we deal with that one, by abandoning those who seek to share with us?  Not so sure that's the one.  Showing that you care, in public where appropriate and in private.
The need to be creative and grow: blue sky sessions, being inclusive without openly challenging those who are included.
Wait a second, these must be things about being a good leader, not things about finding the soul.  I'm just getting farther away.
Cooperation and team spirity, the antithesis of apathy-nurturing, coming up with moral values that are reflected by what you do, not what you say, ah that's familiar.
Spirit of fulfillment: empathize, not criticise, a physical sense of closeness,   Then we're back to paying attention, seeing and hearing-body language-show you care and understand the context of the other person's concerns, disclose what you need to of yourself, allow yourself to be vulnerable, yeah, how about that one.
The ways you listen: body, mind, hear and soul
Emotionally bond, how do i feel, how do they feel.
It's only a start, I'll have to rewrite this blog.  What is it about, leadership or everything vs love?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9CD4_3wChM