16 days and counting or maybe 17 again

Down to two weeks and two days.  Of course, this is just a date and just the resolution of a single issue; in whole or in part.

Sometimes, things are unbearable.  I reached this point several times this weekend; but at this moment I am not at peace; but I only feel it under the surface, those things which I want more than wealth and fame; the quiet, special life.  I suppose the point of no return has returned.  What comes next?  How strange the articles I've read, their strange applicability; the news of the future which hasn't come yet.

I planned this weekend to take time to edit this rough draft, but in the end I needed a break, I suppose from anything other than this blog.  I did not get much of a break, I worked out, an easier day Saturday; but weights and swimming on Friday, speed swimming a short time on Saturday and then my regular swim on Sunday; it was a lot.  And I did not ignore work, I began my preparations for Monday which is going to be really busy and for which I do not have nearly enough done and now not enough time to finish.  I at least thought about it, not realizing that the deadline for the first set of meetings would all be on Monday, taking the pressure from the rest of the week and concentrating it in one spot.

What a strange shadow I cast over these books and science and what a strange shadow you cast over my life.

How far away I was from the truth on December 1, 2013 when I wrote this.  What was I thinking then, was I at peace or was I warring with myself like I am tonight, looking at my phone several times a day with a feral disappointment.  Whatever else, I wrote this which, now that I think about it, has a certain truth.

12/1/13

Highest energy should come from black hole