Missed opportunities

Every morning I wake up from nightmares.  I didn't write down the nightmares from last night and they are largely lost now.  It is a strange thing to experience something so vivid and for it to fade as if it belonged to someone else.  Tonight, however, tonight they will come back and perhaps tomorrow I will be able to write them down.  They are always the same, a challenge to overcome with dire consequences tied to failure; and increasingly running into deeper and more convoluted situations between me and the solutions.  And that seems to be appropriate.
Today got busy and tomorrow will be spent traveling again.  I'm not sure when I will get back to the phyusics.  I don't blame this on you, but how am I supposed to concentrate on anything else.  For three weeks I worked constantly on other things.  I made notes, during that time, dealing with expansion (which works better with the curved model), dealing with problems of compression and especially decompresion observed in linear space (we don't actually observe exploding black holes, bt that doesn't mean that they wouldn't be there), the (alleged) small black holes which NLC says are not stable enough to exist; questions of heat and conservation of information, the similarities and difference but the true editing has been impossible.
There are question after question and this is merely one mechanism of limited utility.  I get off of my publication schedule and I want this off my desk like my other project.
I want to return to the book of poetry I am compiling from the rewritten poetry to you, you who are the one member of my audience that I know isn't there but to whom each post is written. Next week, if nothing happens next week I will return to this physics, tired or not, frustrated or not, storied or not.
I was trying to think back 26 years to what things were like.  I have to laugh at the thought of myself that long ago, although at least I could see back then, my eyes didn't have blisters on them.  I remember a quiet, affectionate companionship, never as affectionate as I wanted, but it was something where when we were together we both seemed relaxed, if not entirely comfortable together.  I'm sure you didn't want a relationship for all the affection I felt, and back then affection and passion were even more intertwined than they are today.
If I lost sleep thinking of being together, I wonder what it would be like now, there would be a lot of lost time to work through, to see if there was, after all this time, some common ground, could we move right back into some sort of companionship, or, even if it were possible, would we find barriers of time and the changes that we've gone through would change everything.  Would it be easy to talk about past dreams and present challenges, or would it be impossible to speak, would we be too different from those young people clumsily getting to know each other turning respectively into someone who is even more out of place and someone else who has achieved a classic style, a square peg and a round hole trying to find common ground.