coffee 47

I gave up drinking for someone once, it seems like an eternity now.  I think it is harder not to have a drink every now and then then it is to give up coffee.  I have given up more than that...temorarily.
Perhaps I should have another countdown-4 days to my presentation or 2 days till my trip to New Orleans.  Or I could say 22 days to the end of the Mayan long calendar...or is it 23 days?  I don't put much stock in the world ending in 3 weeks.  I have the story of the cyclops which I believe to be the real story however difficult it might be to find my version with which to consol myself in this regard.
While it is not so strange a thing to envision the end of the world, I think a better view is to think how far the Mayans were willing to look into the future, rather than as some sort of ancient doomsday clock.  It is sad that they could look out a thousand years, but not survive to extend their calendar.
It is hard to fully comprehend my emotional state as I wake early to put this entry up before work takes me away.  Suffice it to say I am worried about those I love but have undying gratitude to the universe that has made life so rich and full with so many opportunities to help people and the all to rare opportunities to experience complete, or nearly complete joy or to find those rare moments of peace however they are broken and lay in shards at my feet.
I feel like I have been able to do a lot for other people lately using my normal talents.  I am sure I let some people down, but that has not been such a great problem these last few days.   Like most others, I have gaping holes in my life.  I have a cause where I believe I can do great good for the country and mankind; or failing that, that I can say that I tried to do great good for the country and mankind.  Not everyone gets a chance like that or is given the help and skills from other people to do it.  I have been extremely lucky and I am thankful to the people who have made that possible.  Obviously I think more of some than others, but I acknowledge that I am a tool, welded by the good intentions, friendship and even love of others to be sharp enough to strike at this point in time.
In a month and a half, I suppose I will have a cup of coffee in celebration.