the model i would like vs the model i need

I woke to a sky burning off fog promising a very hot day and a disapointment that is hard to put into words but which limits my alternatives to act in a way that may have been inevitable, but which seems unfair to me given what my fantasies held out for.  It is unlikely that this will change or that some substitute will arise, so I suppose I must consider this setback for what it is and adjust my plans and expectations accordingly.
Life is like that, it is what you would like vs what you need and sometimes, like today, it is neither.
It will be far too hot to sit outside today, but that is what i will do.  yesterday, i heard a speech on character and courage and the robert frost poem on the road last traveled, perhaps the greatest poem ever written in its way, on stopping by the woods on a snowy day being my favorite.  I made some notes on it which I will put here, but perhaps on another day when i am not so ill and so busy if such  a day comes for one or the other.
I  should not be drinking coffee feeling as i do, but i am enjoying it too much not to share it with this morning which is a noisy industrial type of morning which should be peaceful but is not.
I thought last night as I lay sleepless about the beautiful intersecting spiral model and how much I would like that model for matter and antimatter.  It is, I think, an approximation of the compression model because all of the pieces of it exist in alternating fseries building with its dimensional entanglement of an otherwise perfect string and subsequent unwinding pulling the universe apart locallying and overall.  It is funny in a way how that approximation became what is observed.   I am fighting off bugs of various types as I type this,some spidery things that fly and ants who are locked inta life on theground and less dangerous translucent cricket like bugs.  I wonder how they look at me.
The model of the pre dimensional  (a metal jackhammer of some type on concrete perhaps, a blast zone that is nearby, the release of an airbrake, the constant drone of an enormous diesel engine, but no traffic yet.) fpix solutions lends itself to an fseries solution andwhile it is only a net negative one as yet, the possibility represented by the fseries winding and unwindingseems to be tangibly embodied thereif  if there is only some way to unwind the constant building embodied in the model.
The other model eventually made itself clear the one that winds and unwinds the universe, perhaps this pre-universe model will also come around, but today it is hard to have great expections as I wonder will I get what I like, what I need or only disapppointment.