What really matters and what anti matters

There is going to be something
I had a dream last night, so real I woke up disappointed.
I am exhausted by events, it is only Wednesday but it feels much later.
I am waiting for results this week that should portend the whole summer
Indeed they should be momentous, but in which way remains to be seen
It would be nice for there to be a smooth path, but taking a path is what matters
Moving, it is all that matters, waiting for things is what anti-matters
If I have plumbed the depths of the universe then my life should have some relevance for the other ants crawling on the surface, although it also looses all relevance as it always had.
I plan to spend a lot of time this summer writing books about love, there are two of them that need to be finished, both having very common themes, I suppose I will work to complete the more commercial version first, then the factual one.  Then there is the question of the pornography which requires but 20 pages to finish or perhaps recharged in some respects after a long break, its been almost a month, I can finish the longer version.    Would you go to Turkey and China for research with me I wonder, after everything?
I used to wonder somewhat about authors that poured out work but I understand it better now, they need only support and a good editor, I think.  Would that I might have that for these last years.
Enough of that for now, there is this end of the year thing which must be done and it will kill the time between now and when those events play out.  After that, always after this or after that.  It has become far too much after and not enough now, although if things play out right, perhaps there will be some reward in it.  I think not, I think nothing can be worth waiting a decade, let alone 3.  Waiting is the great killer.  It reminds me of what Eisenhower  said upon arising in England in WWII, "This is a long tough road we have to travel. The men that can do things are going to be sought out just as surely as the sun rises in the morning. Fake reputations, habits of glib and clever speech, and glittering surface performance are going to be discovered." 

We all wait too long to write, too long to solve this problem of the mechanism of the universe, far too long to live and saying, this week now, it must pass, is the thoughts of a fool.  There is only now, only today, if I have proved anything in physics other than the futility of all things, it is the importance of the quantum instance which is preserved forever in some fashion, especially in the relatively closed systems that are important to us.