Between a rock and nothing

My cold has become worse and after a pretty listless half a day, decided i needed fluids more than work today.   It is a busy week.
I am working on my writing today.
I wrote the rough draft of my introductory physics speech.  It is difficult for me because I so firmly reject the standard model, even the shape of electrons and protons.
Everything in physics today is an attempt to reconcile the standard model with observations.  I am sure i cannot be right but if i am i could offer a second golden age of physics.  It might be a bit hollow because of predestination but it would be very new, very different.
The weather is gloomy as is my mood.  All my plans are far from run aground, yet i have little confidence that things will improve.  It is like having a fleet and seeing all but the flagship wrecked in a storm.  Is it any wonder I have such anxiety.  It is all that I have left and it is not even music, although it is art and science.

The Next Web: How teleporting light and levitating diamonds offer proof of quantum theory. https://thenextweb.com/science/2018/11/08/how-teleporting-light-and-levitating-diamonds-offer-proof-of-quantum-theory/

In the theory of quantum mechanics, it’s postulated that particles can exist in two different states at the same time. But only for incredibly short moments. Imagine the basketball is both up and down for a nanosecond and then it’s either up or down. The moment this transition takes place is called quantum collapse.
In AuT different quantum parts may have different charge and changes can occur in a time free environment.

I have finished the initial stages of the hinge study.   What does that mean?  It means there is a conceptual model for everything except for the free, trapped states; mathematically, not actually trapped.
I had a conversation with a retired physics professor, molecular physics, and after a conversation, he had already seen my paper, he agreed to meet with me.  It is one more indication that for better and worse, my model is accurate.
What will he say when he finds that everything he learned and everything that he taught is tied to curvature equations where ct3-4-5 states collect together and that he has walked for all those decades unaware that time was created around him?

The rock, the standard model, and nothing, aut, my physics.  Why couldn't it be a happier physics, one that was less prison and more passion.

I don't know what to do because I have done what I can.  If I am given the option of moving to pursue this and I take it many issues will arise, financial ones especially.  There is a place I can ask to stay, but can I really stay there?   That is way too theoretical, but not far off.
What can I say, what can I do?  I have too many people that depend on me, it is too much to stand, and yet I have to admit things are better than they were.
The abyss is gone, the physics is published, books are written and skills are honed.
Ah but the illness makes the age press harder, the lonliness darkens the skys just like the rains.

It has been raining constantly while california burns.  It is strange.