Tonight, the night of 1211 I am quiet and moody. I did n ot get enough done today. I must get twice as much done tomomrow and that musts be twice as much as is possible as I must finish this draft and soon. It is something short, but it must be shorter still and more complete at the same time. something is buzzing near me, disturbing my peace and it is something uncertain.
It is 5, but I have been up working since 4 am, working, that is after having to stop and feed the cats. My hands caressed your skin in my dreams disturbing any chance of returning to dreams. I have been subjected to another delay, perhaps 6 months and leaving in limbo the process that was suspect anyway for dealing with the short term debt issues that I face. It appears largely administrative; but any delay is troubling, particularly now. On the bright side, the cost is going to be a little less than savings I should get from another matter in around the same time frame and it is not something which is impossible to deal with, just discomforting. Also, having looked over the issues, they are fairly easy to deal with on the surface.
This is not like the problem otherwise in my life which is not easy to deal with and the cause of my earthly early demise.
A good interview helped my state of mind, but a lot remains problematic and yet another technical nuance arose which is intriguing, possibly helpful in an extreme fashion but another drain on the focus.
I fear failure before I ever become enough for you or I suppose someone less than you but enough given the toxic clouds I have to get through.
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