9.5.22

 i am declaring myself mostly healed.  Still minor coughing, but i was never caughing anything infected looking.  I worked out pretty hard yesterday.  Am i ready to go to the gym?  I think i likely have to test negative to do that.

I am drinking coffee even though it is late in the morning, almost 8.

Passion.

I feel that most of all which is why i feel i am healed, its strength is fully returned and missed. Happy Labor Day Comrade.  I love you, it is the passion talking, it is not real but it is powerful.

Today I look towards the plan in more detail. I only have perhaps 5 years when i can headline this thing.  I do not know how to handle these short time frames.  I feel young, but when exhaustion hits me, it comes on in a way and a time which discloses my age.

 What i could not share with you if only you would let me and i would give up my science to have what we gave up even  though it would mean giving up the life that comes after ours. I have to deal with shot term problems.  This means continuing to look to grants which are at once a distraction and a tool to solve the problems that stand between fusion and the present.  I cannot sit and bemoan the problems that I have faced and fail to note that being forced to look at successively different problems has provided the solutions that I need.

My learning and my lack of success are balanced; but wealth of knowledge is not easily translated.

It is almost 11.  I have swam, brushed and vacuumed the  pool.  The latter something done much more efficiently, but it is uncertain as of now how effective it is; whether the pool  will be blue again or will continue this greenish clarity.  I am tired, my passions more under control.

I went out shopping, the pool is green, a lot of the vacuumed part apparently didn't make it out before i switched to recirculate, an so it will start again tomorrow.  It will be better than it was.

Today has not been one where a lot of work gets done; a little insight but I need to finish things and not think of them right now.  

It's early yet, but I suppose i will post this, if something particularly interesting happens i will come back but it seems likely to be a quiet evening.